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Horanghae !

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tw mentions of sh/sucide!!!

there was a razor next to me and i felt like cutting my lips and my arms all up.
i felt like bleeding out on my bed and never waking up again.
i'm fucked up in the head. i want to get out of this state of mind.
 

sanasideup

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tw mentions of sh/sucide!!!

there was a razor next to me and i felt like cutting my lips and my arms all up.
i felt like bleeding out on my bed and never waking up again.
i'm fucked up in the head. i want to get out of this state of mind.
pls don't cut or hurt yourself, not even a little bit, bc it's incredibly hard to stop once you start. things will get better, but you need to talk to someone, please. i am begging you to talk to an adult so you can get the help you need and deserve
 

Horanghae !

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pls don't cut or hurt yourself, not even a little bit, bc it's incredibly hard to stop once you start. things will get better, but you need to talk to someone, please. i am begging you to talk to an adult so you can get the help you need and deserve
I will try to talk to a counselor, but they are going to tell my parents and I do NOT want that to happen again
Maybe I can tell someone else!
 

sanasideup

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I will try to talk to a counselor, but they are going to tell my parents and I do NOT want that to happen again
Maybe I can tell someone else!
what happens if your parents know? ik that having your parents know sucks, but a lot of times it is genuinely more safe for them to know
 

luvt4i

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tw self harm


How the fuck did i get dragged into that?
I answered "yep." on that piece of paper- and it all fell. Magically!!
I didnt even know tho , i thot everyone else knew bc she tells everyone everything so ofc i said i knew even tho i didnt actually know .
now im the fake one , how am i the fake one ?
i dont talk shit about anyone . i keep my mouth shut and i dont speak unless im spoken to .
i dont cause drama let alone try to get tangled in it.
did she do this just because she wants to fight me ? fight someone ? fight ANYONE ?
shes desperate for drama and entertainment at this point, and im not going to be her fucking circus monkey anymore.
since the beginning of 6th grade ive been hearing about her drama and listening , shaking my head and agreeing with her even when i fucking knew she was in the wrong . but i didnt say anything , the whole 4 years we were friends - havent said one ill intended word about her until yesterday because i was at my breaking point . i was so done and so tired i just gave up .
SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ME . she never listens when i tell her whats going on at my house , she never wants to hang out unless we're talking about HER drama or SOMEONE ELSES drama .
im so tired of her and everyone at that school .
you wanna call me a pick me for only talking to israel , jose , jorge , and all my other friends -- that are mostly male . im friends with them because i can actually talk about things that arent drama related
i can talk to them about something serious and then we can laugh about it later , laugh with eachother and not at eachother , btw .
ive been distancing myself from you but you keep pulling me back into your drama circle .
and now that i called you out infront of the whole school you wanna run off , cry , then call me fake ?
i am mentally ill and rotting and you think its FUNNY .?
you think its , funny.
"wait tai- dont u have that bpd thing ?" "ooh nooo guys we dont want tai to get mad she might cut herself!!!"
SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE !!
you wanna lie about cutting yourself huh ?
since its so sad and depressing and omggg shes cutting herself guys !! i feel so bad for her !!
you want attention ?
i have the screenshots , i recorded the call .
all you do is lie laugh and talk .
bark bark bark yap yap yap .
all bark no bite
and when you do bite you fight.
WHEN ALL U HAVE TO DO IS TALK IT OUT
conversations .
you like to talk all this shit why dont you talk to the people youre hurting and lying about.
i wanna see you do it .
 

sanasideup

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one of the worst parts abt trying to recover from an ed is when you think you did So Good one day, and you ate the Just Right amount of calories, only to check and realize you're still in a deficit by 1000+ calories even tho you still feel like you ate So Much bc your perception fo food is so Fucked Up
 

yunaing

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☆ ITZY - LOCO [Ver. C] ☆
This isn’t really as severe as people here struggle with but ah well.
Congrats, you not only get regular sadness but also gay struggles and not the good kind!

Idk recently my self esteem has been flopping again, rapid belly flop, into the swimming pool of sadness. I have a very complicated relationship with my self image, and small things have been bothering me again recently.
I want to start by saying I do not think I’m ugly. I do like the way I look quite a lot of the time. I like looking at myself in the mirror when I put on an outfit I think is pretty. If I was the only person on earth, I wouldn’t have self esteem issues because there’s not much of my psychical features that bother me. But, I feel like I’m not good enough a lot of the time. A lot of girls my age wear makeup, and they look so beautiful in makeup. But I don’t use makeup. There’s many reasons as to why I dont. I find it hard to apply, and whenever I use mascara it ends up getting on my eyelids and I have to clean it up. Doing even more than just mascara would take me so long, and it would be frustrating. And it doesn’t feel personally worth it. I don’t want to see someone else in the mirror. I want to see myself. I feel like I’m being abnormal though. The person who gave me my train ticket yesterday thought I was younger than 16 because of being makeup free. A friend of mine (a new friend please don’t judge her) was shocked to hear I’m one of the oldest and not youngest.
Makeup isn’t the only thing though. I avoid all jewellery for sensory issues. Hair accessories too. My mum wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery for my 18th, but I don’t wear jewellery at all, because it makes me feel itchy and uncomfortable, I fiddle with it, I take it off and put it back on. I just cannot tolerate jewellery. I don’t like my hair. My hair is the main root of my self esteem issues. I suppose we all have at least one part of us that we wish was different, and mine is my hair. It gets frizzy and bushy, and because it’s straight it just makes me look odd. I tried cutting it, I have a fringe, I want to get it dyed. I’m doing all that I can do make me like my hair. But one thing I cant do with my hair is style it. And I genuinely mean I cant. I tend to fiddle with hair accessories sure, but my hair doesn’t like being styled. If I try, it either hurts my arms or head, or I get myself tangled. Whenever I try it just results in frustration. I want to be able to style my hair, just to make it look prettier. But it never works.
And then there’s the issue with the queer community. I feel a bit isolated, not gay enough. That’s so stupid isn’t it. I don’t wear all this heavy makeup and I haven’t got dyed hair… yet… I just look normal. And even in my own community’s eyes, normal just probably means straight. I want to blend in, but at the same time I don’t want to conform to my community’s own harmful stereotypes. I don’t want to blend in to being queer. I shouldn’t have to. My appearance has nothing to do with being queer. It’s so frustrating. I don’t feel pretty enough or gay enough for the people around me.
I wish things were just easier for me. I mean physically easier. I wish I wasn’t so useless at doing practical things like applying mascara or giving myself hair styles. I wish I didn’t get so frustrated when things go wrong, so that I can just practice until I can do these things. I wish I could just feel better. I see girls who I think are so pretty, and I want to be like them. But it feels so un-achievable. And it makes no sense… I think I’m pretty so why does it matter so much. Maybe it’s because I’ve been told I could be even prettier. I want to style my hair for myself, as I think it would make me prettier. But makeup? Makeup is uncomfortable, hard to apply and then changes my face. The girls I see with so much makeup don’t actually look like that. I don’t want to see myself with makeup because that person wouldn’t be me…

God this is a mess thanks for listening to my extremely awkward and nonsensical self image issues. This post still doesn’t feel like it’s representing the mess going on in my head. There’s just so many layers LMAO
 
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sanasideup

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This isn’t really as severe as people here struggle with but ah well.
Congrats, you not only get regular sadness but also gay struggles and not the good kind!

Idk recently my self esteem has been flopping again, rapid belly flop, into the swimming pool of sadness. I have a very complicated relationship with my self image, and small things have been bothering me again recently.
I want to start by saying I do not think I’m ugly. I do like the way I look quite a lot of the time. I like looking at myself in the mirror when I put on an outfit I think is pretty. If I was the only person on earth, I wouldn’t have self esteem issues because there’s not much of my psychical features that bother me. But, I feel like I’m not good enough a lot of the time. A lot of girls my age wear makeup, and they look so beautiful in makeup. But I don’t use makeup. There’s many reasons as to why I dont. I find it hard to apply, and whenever I use mascara it ends up getting on my eyelids and I have to clean it up. Doing even more than just mascara would take me so long, and it would be frustrating. And it doesn’t feel personally worth it. I don’t want to see someone else in the mirror. I want to see myself. I feel like I’m being abnormal though. The person who gave me my train ticket yesterday thought I was younger than 16 because of being makeup free. A friend of mine (a new friend please don’t judge her) was shocked to hear I’m one of the oldest and not youngest.
Makeup isn’t the only thing though. I avoid all jewellery for sensory issues. Hair accessories too. My mum wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery for my 18th, but I don’t wear jewellery at all, because it makes me feel itchy and uncomfortable, I fiddle with it, I take it off and put it back on. I just cannot tolerate jewellery. I don’t like my hair. My hair is the main root of my self esteem issues. I suppose we all have at least one part of us that we wish was different, and mine is my hair. It gets frizzy and bushy, and because it’s straight it just makes me look odd. I tried cutting it, I have a fringe, I want to get it dyed. I’m doing all that I can do make me like my hair. But one thing I cant do with my hair is style it. And I genuinely mean I cant. I tend to fiddle with hair accessories sure, but my hair doesn’t like being styled. If I try, it either hurts my arms or head, or I get myself tangled. Whenever I try it just results in frustration. I want to be able to style my hair, just to make it look prettier. But it never works.
And then there’s the issue with the queer community. I feel a bit isolated, not gay enough. That’s so stupid isn’t it. I don’t wear all this heavy makeup and I haven’t got dyed hair… yet… I just look normal. And even in my own community’s eyes, normal just probably means straight. I want to blend in, but at the same time I don’t want to conform to my community’s own harmful stereotypes. I don’t want to blend in to being queer. I shouldn’t have to. My appearance has nothing to do with being queer. It’s so frustrating. I don’t feel pretty enough or gay enough for the people around me.
I wish things were just easier for me. I mean physically easier. I wish I wasn’t so useless at doing practical things like applying mascara or giving myself hair styles. I wish I didn’t get so frustrated when things go wrong, so that I can just practice until I can do these things. I wish I could just feel better. I see girls who I think are so pretty, and I want to be like them. But it feels so un-achievable. And it makes no sense… I think I’m pretty so why does it matter so much. Maybe it’s because I’ve been told I could be even prettier. I want to style my hair for myself, as I think it would make me prettier. But makeup? Makeup is uncomfortable, hard to apply and then changes my face. The girls I see with so much makeup don’t actually look like that. I don’t want to see myself with makeup because that person wouldn’t be me…

God this is a mess thanks for listening to my extremely awkward and nonsensical self image issues. This post still doesn’t feel like it’s representing the mess going on in my head. There’s just so many layers LMAO
i get the not feeling like you look "gay enough." so dw, you're not alone. i've dyed my hair, but only natural colors. i'm not good at makeup, jewelry has to be just right or i can't stand wearing it, i dress pretty plainly, and ik next to nothing abt all the pop culture stuff you "have" to know if you're queer.
 

minhoeslcvelybxtch

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tw mentions of homophobia/transphobia!

being picked on for being gay and trans isn't pleasant. just a group of boys who make fun of me for being a "trannie" they say. apparently being gay and trans is forbidden to people and act like it's a sickness you can catch. no it's not though. but we can't be looked as humans. we are looked at as something else. like we aren't human. but we are, or that's what i least try to tell them. yes we are different but not in a bad way. everyone is human. trans and gay rights are human rights.
 

sanasideup

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tw mentions of homophobia/transphobia!

being picked on for being gay and trans isn't pleasant. just a group of boys who make fun of me for being a "trannie" they say. apparently being gay and trans is forbidden to people and act like it's a sickness you can catch. no it's not though. but we can't be looked as humans. we are looked at as something else. like we aren't human. but we are, or that's what i least try to tell them. yes we are different but not in a bad way. everyone is human. trans and gay rights are human rights.
i'm sorry they're doing that to you, you don't deserve that. but pls stay strong. one day, you won't have to see them anymore. ik it's hard, but as long you're happy and living life as yourself, it doesn't matter what others say. they're just too insecure to be themselves, so they take it out on innocent ppl like you, who aren't scared to be who they rly are <3
 

luvt4i

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i sit in my classes
i dont talk
i listen to my music
i am respectful
and i am kind.
why do people have to be rude to me ?
why do they have to say "shes not even that pretty" , "her makeup isnt even that good"
why why why why why why why why why why why why
im just a kid
 

minhoeslcvelybxtch

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i'm sorry they're doing that to you, you don't deserve that. but pls stay strong. one day, you won't have to see them anymore. ik it's hard, but as long you're happy and living life as yourself, it doesn't matter what others say. they're just too insecure to be themselves, so they take it out on innocent ppl like you, who aren't scared to be who they rly are <3
aw thank you for the support<33 but yeah i think i agree tho- people like them are prob insecure and shit. but i hope ppl who are going through this same shit as me, has hope and it will be okay..<333
 

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My parents don’t even love me. They never ever wanna listen to me and choose to continue hurting my feelings and invalidating me, without me ever catching a break from them. They don’t make me feel comfortable and safe around them. I want to disappear and live somewhere else away from them. They’ll never come to understand my mental health problems and my feelings.
 

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I am reading all this thread bc it got into the main page, and I must say, what kind of parents do you have. Like seriously, what kind. I got depressed and anxious because of burnout, homophobia, violence surrounding me, trauma... but the reason was never my parents. I'm not trying to flex like "oh I'm the only loved child here" but it's so horrifying to see how much parents can damage their children. I know some of them have really hard times raising their kids but even I, an unwanted child still feel loved by my parents. Anyways good day/night if you're seeing this.
 

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TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE/SELF HARM(?)

i just wanna bang my head against a wall continuously so i dont wake up, or walk in front a car. Sometimes i just wanna scream my heart out and think about what would happen if i used my nails and drive them into my skin so hard and see if it would cut me. Sometimes i also just wanna jump off some place high and see if ill still wake up. Sometimes i wonder if anyone would care about me never waking up since i cause a lot of problems, if they do, id be surprised.
 

strawberry🍓

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I am reading all this thread bc it got into the main page, and I must say, what kind of parents do you have. Like seriously, what kind. I got depressed and anxious because of burnout, homophobia, violence surrounding me, trauma... but the reason was never my parents. I'm not trying to flex like "oh I'm the only loved child here" but it's so horrifying to see how much parents can damage their children. I know some of them have really hard times raising their kids but even I, an unwanted child still feel loved by my parents. Anyways good day/night if you're seeing this.
I can’t tell if you’re talking to me or not when you said “what kind of parents do you have” haha :) . I agree it’s sad to see how much parents can damage their children. I’m glad to hear that you still feel loved by your parents, as I think that’s what all parents should do.
 

Heartz4MyLove<3

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I always feel really bad when I wanna vent in these kinds of things because when I want to because what I'm going through isn't nearly as bad as most other people. So when I think for even a second I might be depressed I start beating myself up telling myself I just want attention or what ever. I have a really nice life my mom loves me. But its not "perfect" I never talk to my dad and when we do it for like 30 minutes and when ever he gets in another relationship it always goes south and then I never talk to the girl friend of my dad again and its really sad. :{. I always see my friends with horrible home lives and I feel really bad because I'm still really cheerful and stuff Its just the intrusive thoughts :(
 
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