i lost friends again
i feel like i lost the real ones i had, bc of distance. i don't feel this year
i feel like i lost the real ones i had, bc of distance. i don't feel this year
❥--[Mental Health Support Space]
- Thread starter hachi
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i cant lie i was scared.
scared of her.
i think its better that we are not friends now
for both of our health.
scared of her.
i think its better that we are not friends now
for both of our health.
the week is still young, only Tuesday. I am very young, I am only 14 years old. I won't make it to 15. God knows if I'll make it to October. my boyfriend said we would protect me, why am I so sad? Why am I so angry? Will I be in this mood for long? If so, how long? I have come to think that I will stay like this, never getting better, never happier. getting worse. call my phone jose, will you? Won't you let us talk about this? Let's talk, we can talk, I'm praying, praying we can talk. one more time, even though we are fighting and screaming. or if you have no relationship. I'm in love with you, come back, I beg you, I beg you. love me again. I know you won't, I can only wish on a star that doesn't come. a wish that I know will not come true, a wish. I'm thinking, I see, I know. but I don't I don't know why I'm here, I don't know why I'm still here, living, breathing whatever. please jose i need you in my life i spent endless months dreaming, crying and thinking--(edit) about you. oh you You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me die. You killed me, you're killing me when I see you I'm dead, boy, I promise you, I'm dying. I promise you that I have never told you a single lie, I have never told you a single lie.
I'm on the verge of ******* because of him. yes, yes, in fact, I will throw my life away for a boy. yes, yes, REALLY, I will really.. die for him. I don't regret, not a single thought, but him in my mind at the moment of committing. I commit to him, he did not commit to me. So now I have to commit for an eternity, I'll be dead. for him.
he wishes I was gone, just like I do. as they all do as, as they do. as they wish i do what they want there is not much about me, there is not much to say. All I know is that I don't want to live, I can't live being ignored by you. you don't want to talk... look... or even realize that I'm alive. If he doesn't love me, how can I love myself?
sad samoan girl... she doesn't deserve love.
I'm on the verge of ******* because of him. yes, yes, in fact, I will throw my life away for a boy. yes, yes, REALLY, I will really.. die for him. I don't regret, not a single thought, but him in my mind at the moment of committing. I commit to him, he did not commit to me. So now I have to commit for an eternity, I'll be dead. for him.
he wishes I was gone, just like I do. as they all do as, as they do. as they wish i do what they want there is not much about me, there is not much to say. All I know is that I don't want to live, I can't live being ignored by you. you don't want to talk... look... or even realize that I'm alive. If he doesn't love me, how can I love myself?
sad samoan girl... she doesn't deserve love.
baby you know i wont get better.
its only for you, help yourself please.
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Having to pretend you are fine because the person who makes you not fine asks you if you are and if you tell them you aren't they'll turn it into a lecture on why you should be fine.... Making everything even more not fine
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![☆ ITZY - LOCO [Ver. C] ☆](/forums/data/dbtechShop/itemIcons/2/2002.jpg?1632758575)
Welcome to Miel’s problems are now everyone else’s problems. Because my diary is too small and I can’t fit all my stress into it.
Last night, as I was trying to sleep, i could literally feel my heart HAMMERING from stress. Like I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this outside of exams. So let’s talk about MOST of the things causing me stress right now. I say most, there’s 2.5 things I don’t wish to discuss and won’t be sharing the reasons why because I don’t want to even give hints.
So, college just started back. After over 6 weeks of freedom, I’m back. Honestly, i always say this, but if college was a place I could sit and listen to all this awesome and cool knowledge being thrown at me, I’d really like it there. But the thing is that’s just not the case. I have extra work to do.
I finished 1st year with an AAB grade. Surely this is good, right? I suppose it'll look good on uni applications, but I do feel the stress of keeping up with my studies.
Speaking of University. UCAS is happening right now. I’ve filled out like 90% of the form. The only thing missing right now is my personal statement. And I really just don’t want to write it. The thought of doing so is making me want to cry. I have nothing positive to say about myself. I don’t have anything that makes me stand out from other candidates. I want to apply to one of the best universities in the country yet there’s nothing about me that would make them want me. I haven’t done enough preparation for speaking about my subject either. I need to talk to the department for advice but that is making me anxious.
Anyways, why do I feel like I can’t keep up with my studies? Because I have a group of friends now (YAY!). On the off chance anyone remembers, last year I spent from like September to May with like 0 friend group. I was too afraid to make friends. My self esteem was all the way down. But I was able to re-connect with some people I went to primary school with, and now I have people I enjoy being around and sitting with. But now I have these friends I don’t want to study anymore. I’d rather be sat with them having fun than sat alone in the library doing practice questions on biopsychology and listening to french podcasts on the off chance I actually know what they’re talking about.
BUT. At least I have friends now, right? WRONG! Well I do have friends but like not all my problems were solved. It was really naive of me to think I’d gain friends and think I’d just magically be a happier person. Of course my low self esteem wouldn’t magically be healed, or I’d be able to talk comfortably. I spend a lot of time being quiet. And I regret a lot of the things i say. Do I talk too much about kpop? Kdramas? Genshin? Being gay? Am i just weird. I feel so weird. Why do I say the things I say… I shared my discord with them, on the off chance we all voice chat and hang out online. But now I feel so self conscious. Are they reading my weird statuses, or when I had song lyrics. Are they judging my pfps of Luda and Yeoreum and Yuri. They probably aren’t but what if they are.
So let’s see what I’m dealing with right now:
1. The pressure of having high predicted grades
2. Lots of school work
3. University applications
4. Low self esteem
5. Friendships
Is that all? NOPE LMAO. Let’s not forget my extended project. Now I won’t lie, this isn’t causing as much stress as it was. This was the largest contributor of my stress. But I was able to speak to my leader and she told me the words I needed to hear. That it’s going well. Am i still stressed? Yes. But is it not haunting me while I try to sleep? Yes
Now am i done?
HAHA NO.
I also started working. And do you know how many hours I did this week. EIGHTEEN. This is hopefully a one off, i spoke to my manager to max my hours at 15 because this really just made everything worse. I had no time to play games or watch Netflix or simply lie in bed and listen to music.
But. Even now the new week is approaching and everything might feel better, I feel completely unmotivated. Listening to music isn’t appealing. Watching YouTube isn’t appealing. Playing genshin isn’t appealing. Talking here isn’t appealing. I just feel like I’m existing right now. I only feel truly alive with my friends. Yet they’re still a contributor of my stress. Yikes.
I’m done now don’t worry I’m not gonna throw anything else in here
Last night, as I was trying to sleep, i could literally feel my heart HAMMERING from stress. Like I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this outside of exams. So let’s talk about MOST of the things causing me stress right now. I say most, there’s 2.5 things I don’t wish to discuss and won’t be sharing the reasons why because I don’t want to even give hints.
So, college just started back. After over 6 weeks of freedom, I’m back. Honestly, i always say this, but if college was a place I could sit and listen to all this awesome and cool knowledge being thrown at me, I’d really like it there. But the thing is that’s just not the case. I have extra work to do.
I finished 1st year with an AAB grade. Surely this is good, right? I suppose it'll look good on uni applications, but I do feel the stress of keeping up with my studies.
Speaking of University. UCAS is happening right now. I’ve filled out like 90% of the form. The only thing missing right now is my personal statement. And I really just don’t want to write it. The thought of doing so is making me want to cry. I have nothing positive to say about myself. I don’t have anything that makes me stand out from other candidates. I want to apply to one of the best universities in the country yet there’s nothing about me that would make them want me. I haven’t done enough preparation for speaking about my subject either. I need to talk to the department for advice but that is making me anxious.
Anyways, why do I feel like I can’t keep up with my studies? Because I have a group of friends now (YAY!). On the off chance anyone remembers, last year I spent from like September to May with like 0 friend group. I was too afraid to make friends. My self esteem was all the way down. But I was able to re-connect with some people I went to primary school with, and now I have people I enjoy being around and sitting with. But now I have these friends I don’t want to study anymore. I’d rather be sat with them having fun than sat alone in the library doing practice questions on biopsychology and listening to french podcasts on the off chance I actually know what they’re talking about.
BUT. At least I have friends now, right? WRONG! Well I do have friends but like not all my problems were solved. It was really naive of me to think I’d gain friends and think I’d just magically be a happier person. Of course my low self esteem wouldn’t magically be healed, or I’d be able to talk comfortably. I spend a lot of time being quiet. And I regret a lot of the things i say. Do I talk too much about kpop? Kdramas? Genshin? Being gay? Am i just weird. I feel so weird. Why do I say the things I say… I shared my discord with them, on the off chance we all voice chat and hang out online. But now I feel so self conscious. Are they reading my weird statuses, or when I had song lyrics. Are they judging my pfps of Luda and Yeoreum and Yuri. They probably aren’t but what if they are.
So let’s see what I’m dealing with right now:
1. The pressure of having high predicted grades
2. Lots of school work
3. University applications
4. Low self esteem
5. Friendships
Is that all? NOPE LMAO. Let’s not forget my extended project. Now I won’t lie, this isn’t causing as much stress as it was. This was the largest contributor of my stress. But I was able to speak to my leader and she told me the words I needed to hear. That it’s going well. Am i still stressed? Yes. But is it not haunting me while I try to sleep? Yes
Now am i done?
HAHA NO.
I also started working. And do you know how many hours I did this week. EIGHTEEN. This is hopefully a one off, i spoke to my manager to max my hours at 15 because this really just made everything worse. I had no time to play games or watch Netflix or simply lie in bed and listen to music.
But. Even now the new week is approaching and everything might feel better, I feel completely unmotivated. Listening to music isn’t appealing. Watching YouTube isn’t appealing. Playing genshin isn’t appealing. Talking here isn’t appealing. I just feel like I’m existing right now. I only feel truly alive with my friends. Yet they’re still a contributor of my stress. Yikes.
I’m done now don’t worry I’m not gonna throw anything else in here
"why are you hesitating?" is the worst question anyone has ever asked me
Idk if I should put this but here we go- and this is nothing compared to everyone else-
So my cousin (older by two years) had r@ped me, and like, I didn't see him for a while when my parents found out, I could've put him in jail if I told the entire story..and I didn't, not until like a month after and my parents were concerned why I didn't tell them the entire story, I had to explain to them that I was scared to get in trouble, so I've seen different therapists, I've been tempted to cut, and I'm not seeing therapists anymore (thankfully) but I still get those dream yk. And I don't want to tell anyone bc I don't want to be a burden and I honestly really wanna kms and my friends all talk together and I feel left out even though they're trying to talk to me I just feel like they connect better together than me and them so yea.
Last edited:
PLEASE I WANT TO CRY
so last thursday i had a german test. and there was like 3 exercises to do. and that day we didn't do the 2nd one bc we had no time, and the teacher said we would do it the next day
but the next day i missed school bc i was sick. so when i was at home they did the last part of the test. and i didn't.
and the teacher still gave the grade i had thursday... i mean, i had 7/20. i could've had MUCH BETTER if the teacher had made me do the exercise I missed on Friday? it's NOT FAIR
she even marked the grade on our online work space... damn
so last thursday i had a german test. and there was like 3 exercises to do. and that day we didn't do the 2nd one bc we had no time, and the teacher said we would do it the next day
but the next day i missed school bc i was sick. so when i was at home they did the last part of the test. and i didn't.
and the teacher still gave the grade i had thursday... i mean, i had 7/20. i could've had MUCH BETTER if the teacher had made me do the exercise I missed on Friday? it's NOT FAIR
she even marked the grade on our online work space... damn
I can relate to u my brother touched me too but not raped but I understand the feeling of being scared to tell someone about it. When I told my parents that he touched me they did nothing but take away his phone for 2 weeks I felt like I didn’t matter but l promise u ik how u feel and I wish no one goes to borough what we did .
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Even though I have a new group of friends, I feel so self conscious and even kind of lonely. I feel so out of place. I feel so unlikeable too. I know it’s probably all in my head but my head is mean and I want to cry LOLOL
Decided I do not like how my body looks, despite losing a drastic amount of weight in a short period of time, I am feeling uglier and fatter today than ever…so I’m hiding my body with a huge baggy sweater that basically looks like a dress on my short ass, to try to resist the urge of cutting…today sucks and I’m probably going to have to take another laxative later 
I've literally been talking about this all morning but this is such a big stepping stone in my life right now. At first it felt like a coming of age movie plotline. Still does, just even more sad. Feel like I'm in a crying montage but I have to hold it in because I am at school. I've been an emotional rollercoaster all morning, when I get home I'll just cry it out. I don't have much to do now. I can't focus on anything I have so much work to catch up on today. I can't do it tomorrow or the day after that I have to do it today. This was probably bad timing but there's no time better than to be broken up with during the start of your favorite season. It's always fall, idk why. I love the fall but none of my exes thought fall was a good time to be in a relationship I guess. I don't mind I don't blame them. It was the right choice we're just too busy in different stages of life right now. It just sucks that it had to come to an end. Wish there was a way for it to work but life is life. They'll move on, I'll move on. We'll both date new people and end up with completely different people. I can't imagine dating anyone else right now but it could happen eventually. Right person, wrong time. I'll meet someone new. The right person at the absolute right time. I don't really care about moving on or dating anyone new I just want this pain to go away. I want to hard work, pass my classes, enjoy my fall, and get my dancing degree. I just want to forget about this pain already I do not have time to even mope around like I want to. I'll have to pick myself up and work even harder. Not for the two of us, for me this time.I refuse to fail.
It’s going to be okay, maybe not this second but it will get better. Like you said, you’ll meet the right person at the right time, it may be this year, it may be next year, it’ll happen eventually. I do hope you can feel a little better tomorrow or next week or next month even. You’re strong and you got this.
Thank you I really appreciate itIt’s going to be okay, maybe not this second but it will get better. Like you said, you’ll meet the right person at the right time, it may be this year, it may be next year, it’ll happen eventually. I do hope you can feel a little better tomorrow or next week or next month even. You’re strong and you got this.
Of course. If you ever need to talk or vent, you can always DM me, I’ll listen.
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tw mentions of death
i really just don't wanna live anymore. i don't see the point
i really just don't wanna live anymore. i don't see the point
lord give me one last chance
oh hopefully next next friday it's the holidays here. i need a break from school
i realized it only yesterday.... it seems i lost track of time by working too much (or not? my grades arent better lol)
but i work- and it feels like it is not enough
since i changed school again i have no one to talk about it
they all left. bc of distance. i hate that.
now i feel like every friend i had in my previous school were fake. since i left they all changed. like we had no good moments togheter
thats a feeling i alr know but it still hurts :c
i realized it only yesterday.... it seems i lost track of time by working too much (or not? my grades arent better lol)
but i work- and it feels like it is not enough
since i changed school again i have no one to talk about it
they all left. bc of distance. i hate that.
now i feel like every friend i had in my previous school were fake. since i left they all changed. like we had no good moments togheter
thats a feeling i alr know but it still hurts :c