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luvt4i

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tw ******* kinda

i cant even describe what im feeling
just immense happiness because he loves me again
i hope he loves me
dios mios if he doesnt jajajaaaaaa
if we dont last now im going to commit *******
my borderline brain cannot handle this borderline business
why do i have to feel so bad again? but i dont feel bad now
i feel nothing but i dont know if i feel nothing because i feel something
jaja
 

luvt4i

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i say tm

tw for someone idek
whats dumb?
therapy is dumb
why should i tell YOU anything?
you are a stranger, mi madre told me never talk to strangers, let alone give out personal information
you only want to know whats going on inside my mind to imprison me once again
give me medication thats supposed to make me happy, yet i just have more energy, still the same emotions
you give me pills and shots to make me sane but its not working
i go through trauma in my daily life, how will i get better
but no, no no no, please do not put me in foster care, do not take me away from my parents.
that is the only thing i will say, to you.
dumb, sick, cruel, government workers.
they get paid a pretty penny to diagnose me with some diagnonsense, this diagnosis makes no sense
what is a borderline personality? what am i compulsively obsessed with? huh? hmm??
smoking weed and not breathing air, its saving me- yet i do not have proper accses
no, no, marijuana is illegal where i live, illegal for recreational use. the more laws they make, the more laws that will be broken.
for sure, for sure, i will continue to break the governments' laws, and break my parents rules.
and everyone else will continue to call me a disappointment and break my heart
but what is now to be broken when no pieces are left?
my heart has been shattered into microscopic pieces and swept into a dustpan
somebody give me the answer, what good is it knowing what other people think about you?
what good is it thinking about what other people are saying, thinking, doing, all of the above?
in the beginning, or in the end, nothing will help, no words, no medication, none of it will do good for me.
allah, im so lively to the naked eye.
such an alive person i am in appearance. Rosey red cheeks, bloodshot eyes, and a white smile.
everyone else knows me as alive, a good quality, no?
my qualities that are exceptional to society are my appearance, and only that.
what goes on in my mind will be shamed upon and they will fact check it.
little scholars with their books, little twitter girlies with their opinions...
i am a category, a study, i liar, and..or, a target.
 

Elphelt_ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ

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I am heartbroken

My dad didn't want daughters and when I was little he would tell us he didn't want us but he "loves us anyway" what kinda bullshit is that and now his favorite child is my older sister who I absolutely hate sometimes but anyway that's not the problem, today my mom was sitting (she's pregnant and it's a girl) and my little sister said "It's a girl" all happy and my dad said "unfortunately".... He's still at it. I'm starting to wish the baby was a boy, I don't want her to experience the stuff I went through
 

luvt4i

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I am heartbroken

My dad didn't want daughters and when I was little he would tell us he didn't want us but he "loves us anyway" what kinda bullshit is that and now his favorite child is my older sister who I absolutely hate sometimes but anyway that's not the problem, today my mom was sitting (she's pregnant and it's a girl) and my little sister said "It's a girl" all happy and my dad said "unfortunately".... He's still at it. I'm starting to wish the baby was a boy, I don't want her to experience the stuff I went through
we can only hope your father fixes his act before the child is born, and we can only hope that he treats the baby better than you were treated when you were younger. Unfortunately, this is out of your and aparentemente (english term. idk?) your mothers control, hope everything goes well with your father and your new little sister
 

Elphelt_ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ

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we can only hope your father fixes his act before the child is born, and we can only hope that he treats the baby better than you were treated when you were younger. Unfortunately, this is out of your and aparentemente (english term. idk?) your mothers control, hope everything goes well with your father and your new little sister
I sure hope so, I want her to be happy
 

yawnzzn

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I've literally been talking about this all morning but this is such a big stepping stone in my life right now. At first it felt like a coming of age movie plotline. Still does, just even more sad. Feel like I'm in a crying montage but I have to hold it in because I am at school. I've been an emotional rollercoaster all morning, when I get home I'll just cry it out. I don't have much to do now. I can't focus on anything I have so much work to catch up on today. I can't do it tomorrow or the day after that I have to do it today. This was probably bad timing but there's no time better than to be broken up with during the start of your favorite season. It's always fall, idk why. I love the fall but none of my exes thought fall was a good time to be in a relationship I guess. I don't mind I don't blame them. It was the right choice we're just too busy in different stages of life right now. It just sucks that it had to come to an end. Wish there was a way for it to work but life is life. They'll move on, I'll move on. We'll both date new people and end up with completely different people. I can't imagine dating anyone else right now but it could happen eventually. Right person, wrong time. I'll meet someone new. The right person at the absolute right time. I don't really care about moving on or dating anyone new I just want this pain to go away. I want to hard work, pass my classes, enjoy my fall, and get my dancing degree. I just want to forget about this pain already I do not have time to even mope around like I want to. I'll have to pick myself up and work even harder. Not for the two of us, for me this time.I refuse to fail.
well i am getting better. I still have moments that feel kinda lonely but it's something i'm gonna have to get used to now. I spend 1 year on someone else so I'm still getting used to being alone. I am a lot happier though. I am rediscovering myself and I am growing up, literally, I am actually getting taller, my hair is growing and it's way shiner, and my teeth are stronger. idk what that break up did to my health but it helped lmao. thanks now my teeth don't feel like they r gonna fall out when i eat sweets (still don't like sweets tho)
 

ignoring

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I am heartbroken

My dad didn't want daughters and when I was little he would tell us he didn't want us but he "loves us anyway" what kinda bullshit is that and now his favorite child is my older sister who I absolutely hate sometimes but anyway that's not the problem, today my mom was sitting (she's pregnant and it's a girl) and my little sister said "It's a girl" all happy and my dad said "unfortunately".... He's still at it. I'm starting to wish the baby was a boy, I don't want her to experience the stuff I went through
I’m so sorry that your dad is treating you guys like this. I think he needs to realise that he can’t choose genders and that it’s completely out of your mom’s control whether the gender of the baby is a boy or a girl. I hope you and your sisters are doing okay though and that everything goes well for you all, including your mom. ❤️
 

Elphelt_ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ

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I’m so sorry that your dad is treating you guys like this. I think he needs to realise that he can’t choose genders and that it’s completely out of your mom’s control whether the gender of the baby is a boy or a girl. I hope you and your sisters are doing okay though and that everything goes well for you all, including your mom. ❤
I'm ok ig sometimes I get sad thinking about it but my mom always reminds me that she's loves me, she's very excited about this child so I'm happy for her, I hope he does change his ways
 

ignoring

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I'm ok ig sometimes I get sad thinking about it but my mom always reminds me that she's loves me, she's very excited about this child so I'm happy for her, I hope he does change his ways
I’m glad that you have your mom that truly loves you and is excited about the baby girl! ❤
Yeah Dads in general (at least for some ig) can be a pain sometimes…:(
 

Elphelt_ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ

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I’m glad that you have your mom that truly loves you and is excited about the baby girl! ❤
Yeah Dads in general (at least for some ig) can be a pain sometimes…:(
They really can be lol
 

Jiminie's Jams Alex

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I am heartbroken

My dad didn't want daughters and when I was little he would tell us he didn't want us but he "loves us anyway" what kinda bullshit is that and now his favorite child is my older sister who I absolutely hate sometimes but anyway that's not the problem, today my mom was sitting (she's pregnant and it's a girl) and my little sister said "It's a girl" all happy and my dad said "unfortunately".... He's still at it. I'm starting to wish the baby was a boy, I don't want her to experience the stuff I went through
Fun fact the males actually decide the gender of the baby. But anyway I hope your dad does fix his act before the baby is born and I hope the baby doesn't have to go through what you did <3
 

Elphelt_ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇ

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Fun fact the males actually decide the gender of the baby. But anyway I hope your dad does fix his act before the baby is born and I hope the baby doesn't have to go through what you did <3
Don't let my dad hear that
Me too
 

Horanghae !

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i talk to myself as if im more than one person as if i have multiple ppl within me. i also have so many racing thoughts yet i cant comprehend what they are saying or thinking. they overlap too much
 

Nezuko-channnnnn

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I think I hate my older sister

For 9 years I have been the youngest out of five kids but I never felt like it. My dad always treated me differently than my older sister thats 3 years older than me, she always gets treated and acts like a baby meanwhile whenever I do something wrong I'm scolded and she doesn't even try to stop him from doing it. She's really hard to be around, her simply talking to me makes me very mad and her presence annoys me but I can't say I hate her cause of my dad. I get so mad to the point i wish she just leaves sometimes. (She's 17 now and still acts like this)
 

Horanghae !

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i did nothing wrong , plz. :( i jus dk. sometimes it seems like u dont wanna talk so i back off
 

vivianna

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Ever since I got into my current school I’ve become a different person. I get angry so often that sometimes when I think about why, I myself think the reason is stupid. I’m constantly worrying about schoolwork and my grades even though the grades current grade I’m in don’t even matter. I don’t know what to do. I’m pushing my family away as all the stress from school always is let out on them. Simple chores that I used to do so often without anyone telling me to even when it’s not my obligation, I now get angry when told to do. My dad tells me I’m acting like an entitled brat and I’m being influenced by the kids at my school. I don’t want to believe him but I can’t help but think it’s true. As I’m crying while writing this, I don’t know how I’ll survive the next few years. Every day is like a burden. Every word that comes out of my mouth always ends up with a negative outcome. I want to drop out of this school but all of the effort I put in apply not to mention actually be accepted by this school would be wasted. In addition, what would people at my old school think of me, “the private school dropout”. Or am I worrying too much about what others think? I can’t really blame this all on my school, after all, this is me who has the problem. Everyone else at school seems so carefree and happy. Am I the only one with this problem? I want to go to my mom and just cry for a little bit, but I’ve made her, the most patient person I know angry so many times within these two days that I don’t even know if I can talk to her regularly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every small thing causes another argument. I wish this all never happened. That I could stay a kid forever and never have to worry about school or money. I was one of the best students in my old school. Now what am I? The most recurring argument between my parents and I is about how much I brag about my school. I’m all truth, their side makes the most sense. But for some reason I just can’t let go. I hold an unrealistic amount of pride in my school. Is it just because of how much it has affected me that I just can’t let go? Or is it the envy I have for my sister’s school, the one I could’ve gone to and the considerably less amount of homework? Recently I had the first time I had to ask for help from my parents with a concept that I didn’t understand that was taught at school. I feel like a complete failure. Is there something wrong with me?

My great grandmother just died and her funeral is being held. Some relatives are staying over and their going to be staying in my room. I basically have nowhere to stay for this week and a half and my sleep schedule is really going to be messed up which is not helping.
 
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