Ever since I got into my current school I’ve become a different person. I get angry so often that sometimes when I think about why, I myself think the reason is stupid. I’m constantly worrying about schoolwork and my grades even though the grades current grade I’m in don’t even matter. I don’t know what to do. I’m pushing my family away as all the stress from school always is let out on them. Simple chores that I used to do so often without anyone telling me to even when it’s not my obligation, I now get angry when told to do. My dad tells me I’m acting like an entitled brat and I’m being influenced by the kids at my school. I don’t want to believe him but I can’t help but think it’s true. As I’m crying while writing this, I don’t know how I’ll survive the next few years. Every day is like a burden. Every word that comes out of my mouth always ends up with a negative outcome. I want to drop out of this school but all of the effort I put in apply not to mention actually be accepted by this school would be wasted. In addition, what would people at my old school think of me, “the private school dropout”. Or am I worrying too much about what others think? I can’t really blame this all on my school, after all, this is me who has the problem. Everyone else at school seems so carefree and happy. Am I the only one with this problem? I want to go to my mom and just cry for a little bit, but I’ve made her, the most patient person I know angry so many times within these two days that I don’t even know if I can talk to her regularly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every small thing causes another argument. I wish this all never happened. That I could stay a kid forever and never have to worry about school or money. I was one of the best students in my old school. Now what am I? The most recurring argument between my parents and I is about how much I brag about my school. I’m all truth, their side makes the most sense. But for some reason I just can’t let go. I hold an unrealistic amount of pride in my school. Is it just because of how much it has affected me that I just can’t let go? Or is it the envy I have for my sister’s school, the one I could’ve gone to and the considerably less amount of homework? Recently I had the first time I had to ask for help from my parents with a concept that I didn’t understand that was taught at school. I feel like a complete failure. Is there something wrong with me?
My great grandmother just died and her funeral is being held. Some relatives are staying over and their going to be staying in my room. I basically have nowhere to stay for this week and a half and my sleep schedule is really going to be messed up which is not helping.
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