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[red riot112]

Spoiler: TW/swearing

I'm so fucking done with my parents they expect me to be the perfect fucking child especially in school and it kinda hard to do that when I'm doing school virtually and all the distractions around me how the fuck am I supposed to focus. Question is it weird that I'm still mourning over a death that was five years ago?

no its not

 

[red riot112]

i still miss him even tho he caused me pain and was toxic to me i still loved him, its bc of my lovve for him that it made me blind i wouldnt notice or care if he was possessive or a bit a aggressive i didnt care....i didnt realize until my friends told me that he was toxic but even then i didnt want to leave him even if he was toxic bc i love him and i still do but i had no choice in the end we deserve better....i just have one question for u:

was it worth is? was it worth hurting me to the point i feel numb? that ion care abt anything anymore? are u happy with ur choice?

 

[LostInTheDream]

No one will read this cause nobody cares, but I needed to put it somewhere.

Spoiler: TW {Death, Violence, Sacrifice}

I can't really give specifics about the event I'm talking about because it would reveal exactly where I live. The event was on international news and I'm sure some of you would recognize the name if I wrote it, therefore I will be vague. But I really need to talk about it.

There was this violent event that happened in my town several years ago. It resulted in over 2 dozen people dying. I wasn't there but I have a strong connection with the place and the people. One who died sacrificed themselves for other people to live. I can't stop thinking about her. She was just such a beautiful person, inside and out. It's not fair that she was taken from this earth. I miss her. But what she did makes me have pride in my town. Her actions were so selfless and brave. If you knew specifics, you would completely agree.
I hate remembering this event, but it's impossible not to. I don't believe in god, but I hope she's some place happy with the rest of the angels that were killed. She's a hero, my hero. I plan on naming one of my kids after her. She deserved the world, but it was taken from her.
Please remember your lives are precious. They can be taken away in the blink of an eye like her's and the others' were.
How could people think it was fake.

I'm gonna watch some videos about the event and have a good cry.
*If you know what I'm talking about and I haven't directly told you about it, please keep it to yourself.*

 

[lynch.]

I wanted to day to be a good day, and since it's Mother's day I wanted my mom to have a good day too.
My mom had to work so she was upset most of the day.
My brother was being a complete a-hole like always so I sent him to his room.
My mom wanted to nap and I wanted her to get rest too, so I made sure the dog didn't jump on the couch and disturb her.
It was all good for a few hours. I got her flowers and I was respectful the entire day.
We went to my grandparent's house and we got home at around 9:20 PM.
In the car on our way home my parents started arguing over a door. A goddamn door.
So then when we get home I go screw this shit and go get ready for bed.
And i'm brushing my teeth and then she's standing in the doorway and she starts talking like "I'm so stressed because of you guys and I really wish you would at least try to behave for once. I'm so done with you guys."
And I tell her that I WAS trying my best to make her day better. I sent my brother to his room so he didn't disturb her by being loud, I got her flowers, I even held the dog in my lap so he didn't annoy her in her sleep.
She just walks away mumbling something I couldn't understand.
Then my stepdad calls me over to my room.
He tells me, "close the door". We're both on the outside of the room.
I closed the door
"It's closed, right??"
"yeah, what about it?"
"tell your mom that doors don't just miraculously open on their own by a dog."
Okay here we go again with the fucking door argument.
So I get in bed and my mom goes on her rant (again) about nobody loves her and how we didn't even try to make her day better.
And knowing how much I DID do for her I got pissed off
"I was trying to make your day better, why would you say that?"
"hmph, well it didn't seem like it. goodnight."
and then she just slams the door and it scared the shit out of me and doors being slammed gives me anxiety so hooray.
and now my parents are arguing about a fucking door again and theyre yelling and whenever they slam a door i just start shaking more and more and I feel nauseous and i feel like im gonna cry but i know if i start crying theyre gonna ask me why and when i tell them theyre gonna fucking tell me im being dramatic and leave me shaking and being a total fucking mess.
best fucking day ever.

 

[rosexoxo]

My mental state is declining day by day. It’s like the days are just the same suffocating loop. Pain, saddness and nothing. I’m slowly loosing everyone because of how fucked up I am. My family is starting to hate me and they are not wanting to be around me. All of my friends have their own problems. I just want relief. Peace. That’s all I want but it seems like that’s what I’ll never get. I’ve just accepted that I’ll always live with OCD. I’ll always have intrusive thoughts, urges, feelings. But it’s a difficult reality to sit with. I’m tryingy my best to make the best out of this situation, but that’s getting really difficult as time passes on.

 

[yawnzzn]

I have two STAAR tests coming up one after another. It's stressing me out cause I don't know anything tbh. These will determine whether or not i pass but i still know nothing. Cause of two things, I don't understand the subjects, and I don't try to understand them. I'd been procrastinating thinking I'd have more time but no :< this sucks. It's making my anxious overthinking mind run wild right now idek what to wear to school tomorrow its a mess in my brain right now

 

[Lost_in_my_dream]

I have two STAAR tests coming up one after another. It's stressing me out cause I don't know anything tbh. These will determine whether or not i pass but i still know nothing. Cause of two things, I don't understand the subjects, and I don't try to understand them. I'd been procrastinating thinking I'd have more time but no :< this sucks. It's making my anxious overthinking mind run wild right now idek what to wear to school tomorrow its a mess in my brain right now

For me the STAAR test is optional so best of luck to you.

 

[yawnzzn]

For me the STAAR test is optional so best of luck to you.

thank u<33 for me its mandatory :,<

 

[Lost_in_my_dream]

thank u<33 for me its mandatory :,<

What part of Texas do you live in?

 

[yawnzzn]

What part of Texas do you live in?

The South side

 

[Lost_in_my_dream]

The South side

I live on the south side too.

 

[Lost_in_my_dream]

I've been mourning since early this morning. I just realized that it's almost time to let go of what's got me through my whole life. It's almost time to let go of my best friend my dog which I don't want to. I don't want to let go yet.

 

[rikigoth]

my mom is having heart problems again. her heart murmur from when she was little is back again, and her legs have been swelling up really bad and turning red. a doctor said her blood may not be flowing right and she may have heart failure. we dont really know how severe it is right now, but i am really scared..

 

[LemonMomorangé]

Spoiler: TW// ---

I shouldn't be posting here but I need a break from HC.
One of my dearest friends from there has now left, and I have a feeling she left because of me. Because I'm annoying and I'm unlikable.
I tried to make her stay but she just wouldn't stay, its all my fault she left all of her friends behind because of me.

 

[XOXZ]

Spoiler: TW// ---

I shouldn't be posting here but I need a break from HC.
One of my dearest friends from there has now left, and I have a feeling she left because of me. Because I'm annoying and I'm unlikable.
I tried to make her stay but she just wouldn't stay, its all my fault she left all of her friends behind because of me.

I’m sorry to hear that. If you need someone to talk to, you can always PM me, I know we don’t know each other, but losing a friend on a forum is hard, I’ve lost a few, so I understand how you feel. I hope you feel better over time though <3

 

[lynch.]

Spoiler: tw // ed

hooray. bulimia. my day is getting better and better.

 

[Idolbunny🐰]

Will I ever heal? i hate this trauma, i hate feeling this, i dont want this anymore, i dont want to be scared and traumatized, i want to be happy and forget you, i want this to stop, i dont want to be afraid when i remember or i see u, i want to be fully happy again...

 

[Gwacekpop]

May be triggering for some people-?

My mom always says that I have to "be the lead" in the family. I don't want to constantly be the lead and have to have that much pressure on me. And whenever I don't do well at something even if it's just a small thing, it seems like she's disappointed in me. She criticizes me in every way possible. Whenever I'm eating I have a tendency to look at things and she always tells me not to and then talks bad about it behind my back as if I'm a poisonous monster. She will look at my sense of style and say no to it and picks out my clothes as if I'm a 5 year old and she keeps saying "you should act your age. you're still a kid" ik that's true but she can't accept the fact I'm GROWING UP???
She also points out my brother and I whenever we're doing something "random" she says something like "Are you mentally ill? Do we need to take you to the hospital?" She says it to us as an insult and gives us a glare. She basically wants me to be another version of her and not myself. I'm still questioning my sexuality as well and I'm not sure yet. I have breakdowns 99.9% because of my mom's disapproval of me being myself.

 

[LemonMomorangé]

Spoiler: tw // ed

hooray. bulimia. my day is getting better and better.

Maybe we could talk about it...?
We can both recover from it together?
(If you didn't mind)

 

[Gwacekpop]

May be triggering for some people-?

My mom always says that I have to "be the lead" in the family. I don't want to constantly be the lead and have to have that much pressure on me. And whenever I don't do well at something even if it's just a small thing, it seems like she's disappointed in me. She criticizes me in every way possible. Whenever I'm eating I have a tendency to look at things and she always tells me not to and then talks bad about it behind my back as if I'm a poisonous monster. She will look at my sense of style and say no to it and picks out my clothes as if I'm a 5 year old and she keeps saying "you should act your age. you're still a kid" ik that's true but she can't accept the fact I'm GROWING UP???
She also points out my brother and I whenever we're doing something "random" she says something like "Are you mentally ill? Do we need to take you to the hospital?" She says it to us as an insult and gives us a glare. She basically wants me to be another version of her and not myself. I'm still questioning my sexuality as well and I'm not sure yet. I have breakdowns 99.9% because of my mom's disapproval of me being myself.

I'm also lowkey scared of myself too..