{•------»Mental Health Support Space«------•}

[LostInTheDream]

*Since the poster of the original mental health thread is no longer active, I decided to post an upgraded version of it for all of you.*
Before you enter this thread, please evaluate whether you will be triggered. Various aspects of mental health will be getting discussed, and I don't want anyone to be triggered by any of it.

Welcome to The Mental Health Support Space
Here you can discuss any problems you are having, mental health based or not.
However, you are not allowed to post suicidal content.
You can reply to other user's posts and give advice too.

Some Rules:
-Racism, homophobia, sexist, or any other type of stigma is unacceptable
-NO suicidal content
-Do not disregard the struggles others are facing
-This is a serious thread. Do not turn someone's struggle into a comedic moment for you.
-Do not purposefully try to trigger another user.
-Be respectful and BE KIND!

If you are feeling suicidal or like you want to hurt yourself, do not post it in here.
Please also try to contact your local ******* hotline or chat.
You are precious and do not deserve to be hurting like that alone.

I hope you can all use this thread as a place where you feel safe discussing your mental health!
​

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: how terrible the school system has gotten. but no one except for us talks about it. grades, grades, grades, no sleep, stress, crying, grades, and on and on. for no reason. it has messed up my life. and i get told im a snowflake for pointing out problems that have been going on forever. they. dont. give. a. shit. about. us. it's to keep their money and job. i can't keep up anymore, and i feel so much more free when i'm falling behind because i know i'm already failing and i can't do anythiing about it. so i feel free. just a thought though

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: how terrible the school system has gotten. but no one except for us talks about it. grades, grades, grades, no sleep, stress, crying, grades, and on and on. for no reason. it has messed up my life. and i get told im a snowflake for pointing out problems that have been going on forever. they. dont. give. a. shit. about. us. it's to keep their money and job. i can't keep up anymore, and i feel so much more free when i'm falling behind because i know i'm already failing and i can't do anythiing about it. so i feel free. just a thought though

I'm so sorry that school has been so tough on you. On one hand I'm glad that you do feel free and not super stressed, but I wish you didn't feel like such a failure. Which you aren't. School is really messed up right now because of covid, so don't think this is entirely your fault. I wish I could do more to change your situation. I hope you are able to I guess resurrect yourself and try to adapt to these sucky situations. I also think it's really brave of you to point out these problems. I hope you can stay strong until this pandemic ends.

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: This is related to the school question mentioned previously. I haven't been doing too well in school due to my lack of motivation but the first semester of last year was great because I finally managed to get myself organized and I was staying on top of everything so my grades were great, but then quarantine hit and my grades plummeted because I can't concentrate if I'm not in a school environment. I took a huge L for the second semester which sucked but I told myself that I would just work harder for the next school year. Flash forward to now and I'm still struggling. When we were in school for a month, I almost had all A's (except I had a B+ in math because it's math). Now that we're back to the remote schedule, everything is falling apart again and I have a B and a C+ and that might not seem too bad but my parents are going to hurt me if they find out so I'm pushing myself to work so I can avoid pain but my brain is unable to find any motivation to do stuff so I'm stuck in this in-between part where I'm forced to deal with pain no matter what I choose to do. It's either physical pain from my parents or mental and emotional pain from school, I feel trapped.

 

[LostInTheDream]

I guess I'll be the first person to add to this thread!
TW: ED
So I had posted in the original thread my difficulties with anorexia and my body, so I'll just sum it up quickly.
I've disliked my body since middle school. I didn't really do anything about it until the summer of 2019 (age 19). I started restricting and lost about 10 lbs. 123 lbs to 110 lbs. For reference I am 166 cm (5'5"). I slowed down on the restricting and kinda just maintained where I was. I occasionally dipped down as low at 108 lbs or got as high as 112 lbs. That is until the pandemic. With more time on my hands I had more time to loathe my body. I started restricting more. This was around Spring 2020 (age 20). I started to average between 106 lbs. I tried to put on weight in anticipation of surgery but couldn't gain a single pound. I started back at school this fall being more or less the same weight. Half way through the semester I went home to vote and weighed myself for the first time in months. I was about 112 lbs. I immediately started restricting again. The first 2 weeks I had a constant headache and grumbling stomach due to lack of food. I began to replace meals with diet soda. When I came home from school a couple of weeks ago I was hitting around 106-108 lbs again. I stopped restricting and just tried to maintain. For some reason my weight began to plummet. I'm not sure why because I'm not restricting more than I usually do. Last week and this week I have been averaging around 103 lbs. My lowest being 102.2 lbs.
That brings me to today. Tonight I weighed myself as I usually do and I was 103.4 lbs. That's the lowest I have ever been at the end of the day. I bet tomorrow morning I'm gonna hit a new lowest weight. Part of me is so happy about this. I really want to hit 100 lbs. It would bring me so much satisfaction. But then I think about my parents and how much I already put them through with my mental health issues. I don't wanna land myself in a hospital again. I've begun experiencing other physical symptoms such as blue/purple nails, constantly being cold, joint aches, loss of feeling in my hands and feet, and light headedness. I can only truly feel warm if I surround myself with a million blankets or near boiling water. I looked in the mirror and truly began to see the grossness of how skinny and bony I am. Before I just saw what needed to be improved. I've decided to try to get better.
I usually only eat 1.5 meals a day, so I'm going to try to aim for 3. This might be hard at first mentally but also physically. My stomach shrunk, so it is harder for me to consume normal portions of food. My best friend is also coming to visit on Saturday, so I want to be in this motivated state for her. She'll see how skinny I am, but if she sees me eating healthily she might not be as upset.
Anyways I'm kinda just struggling with whether I want to continue restricting or gain a bit more. And how much I could face gaining?

Sorry for how long this was. I just have nobody else I can tell. I either lie or hide it to everyone else in my life. You don't need to comment if you don't want to. I just needed to let it out before I imploded. Have a nice day!

 

[LostInTheDream]

I guess I'll be the first person to add to this thread!
TW: ED
So I had posted in the original thread my difficulties with anorexia and my body, so I'll just sum it up quickly.
I've disliked my body since middle school. I didn't really do anything about it until the summer of 2019 (age 19). I started restricting and lost about 10 lbs. 123 lbs to 110 lbs. For reference I am 166 cm (5'5"). I slowed down on the restricting and kinda just maintained where I was. I occasionally dipped down as low at 108 lbs or got as high as 112 lbs. That is until the pandemic. With more time on my hands I had more time to loathe my body. I started restricting more. This was around Spring 2020 (age 20). I started to average between 106 lbs. I tried to put on weight in anticipation of surgery but couldn't gain a single pound. I started back at school this fall being more or less the same weight. Half way through the semester I went home to vote and weighed myself for the first time in months. I was about 112 lbs. I immediately started restricting again. The first 2 weeks I had a constant headache and grumbling stomach due to lack of food. I began to replace meals with diet soda. When I came home from school a couple of weeks ago I was hitting around 106-108 lbs again. I stopped restricting and just tried to maintain. For some reason my weight began to plummet. I'm not sure why because I'm not restricting more than I usually do. Last week and this week I have been averaging around 103 lbs. My lowest being 102.2 lbs.
That brings me to today. Tonight I weighed myself as I usually do and I was 103.4 lbs. That's the lowest I have ever been at the end of the day. I bet tomorrow morning I'm gonna hit a new lowest weight. Part of me is so happy about this. I really want to hit 100 lbs. It would bring me so much satisfaction. But then I think about my parents and how much I already put them through with my mental health issues. I don't wanna land myself in a hospital again. I've begun experiencing other physical symptoms such as blue/purple nails, constantly being cold, joint aches, loss of feeling in my hands and feet, and light headedness. I can only truly feel warm if I surround myself with a million blankets or near boiling water. I looked in the mirror and truly began to see the grossness of how skinny and bony I am. Before I just saw what needed to be improved. I've decided to try to get better.
I usually only eat 1.5 meals a day, so I'm going to try to aim for 3. This might be hard at first mentally but also physically. My stomach shrunk, so it is harder for me to consume normal portions of food. My best friend is also coming to visit on Saturday, so I want to be in this motivated state for her. She'll see how skinny I am, but if she sees me eating healthily she might not be as upset.
Anyways I'm kinda just struggling with whether I want to continue restricting or gain a bit more. And how much I could face gaining?

Sorry for how long this was. I just have nobody else I can tell. I either lie or hide it to everyone else in my life. You don't need to comment if you don't want to. I just needed to let it out before I imploded. Have a nice day!

Another thing that has been bothering me is that none of my clothes fit properly. They are all baggy on me, and that looks super awkward with my pants and leggings. My mom posted a photo on facebook of me and my leggings looked like they were pulling away from my skin. I want to fit into my old clothes.But at the same time I want to get new ones that would fit my body now...

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: I've been feeling broken. Not because of the way things are falling apart but because of the way they're not falling apart. I feel like I don't deserve a all the happy things my life is giving me. I don't deserve the way my life is giving me the way my family looks out for me. I'd rather give them reasons to disown me so they can live a happier life with out me... How can I contribute to this family? Short Answer: I can't. They think I'm some amazing person but I'm no better than any other hormone challenged teenager out there. I just feel like I'm trapped in between trying to make them proud and letting them go. I honestly don't deserve anything.

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: I've been feeling broken. Not because of the way things are falling apart but because of the way they're not falling apart. I feel like I don't deserve a all the happy things my life is giving me. I don't deserve the way my life is giving me the way my family looks out for me. I'd rather give them reasons to disown me so they can live a happier life with out me... How can I contribute to this family? Short Answer: I can't. They think I'm some amazing person but I'm no better than any other hormone challenged teenager out there. I just feel like I'm trapped in between trying to make them proud and letting them go. I honestly don't deserve anything.

I know you're probably sick of hearing it, but you deserve this happiness, your family, etc. I know it may feel like you don't contribute or like you shouldn't be given what you have, but you do. Just by existing you are contributing to the happiness of others around you. Please don't give up. You are a beautiful person, even if you think you are 'any other hormone challenged teenager'.

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Reply: On Internet & In person makes me feel so Two Face which I'm personally not. I want people to view me as a good peer always there to lend a hand to others. I feel so bad about myself I almost got depression. =( . Sadly I want to change my adittude on the Internet & want others to know I'm a Pure Good Heart. Sometimes my brother tells me to be hard on the Internet because many people can be J**%@$$ & talk $#!T Behind my back. I don't listen but continue to be me. I've had these problems where people did say I was being rude & just go on & hate on me.I wish I just didnt be so hard on myself & I'm so scared now to even talk on Social Media or the Internet that sometimes I cried to let my stress all out & my sister would always comfort me due to all the hate I've been getting since. But for now, I feel better because of the friends I started to make & made me feel happy & forget all the negative feelings.

 

[LostInTheDream]

I'm gonna continue to use this as my own rant room until others post...
TW: ED
Yesterday I posted my story in here and said I was gonna try to get better. Eat 3 meals a day instead of 1.5. Put on a couple of pounds.
Wellll I've changed my mind!
I ate lunch for the first time in a month or 2 and I hated myself afterwards. So I'm gonna go back to the way I was and maybe start exercising more. Or idk maybe I'll just go with the flow and see what happens. I gain some weight it's ok (it's not), I maintain, or I lose some (also not ok but not as much).
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Post: I just feel really sad right now. A lot of my friends were sent really hurtful things (in like an anonymous thing not on here or other kpop forums like some other anonymous thing) and it’s hurts me so much that someone would be so rude. I just want them to get better soon. And I know to say take all the time you need but that doesn’t seem enough. But I should just give them some space to get better. Right?

 

[🎀♡RYU♡🎀]

TW: ED and Depression

So I haven't been eating much lately and I know it's because my ED is trying to come back and I am just willingly letting it return. Lately, everything has been so...meh. I am starting to dislike a lot of things and I know it has to do with my depressed state of mind. Today when I went grocery shopping, I picked up some safe foods for myself, something I haven't done in a while. I didn't eat breakfast, lunch or what my mom made for dinner today. Instead, I had iced coffee and diet pepsi. I did, manage to eat a little...it was some sushi...but it is one of my safe foods, so I was okay with it. I am thinking of weighing myself tomorrow, even though I haven't done that in ages and I am really afraid. I have also convinced myself that most of the food we have in our house, especially meats, will make me sick if I eat them and I have told myself this so much that even smelling any kind of meat(hamburger, chicken, bacon, pork chops, sausage, lunch meat) makes me nauseous and I refuse to eat it. I don't care though. I am determined to be skinny again, no matter what.

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW: ED and Depression

So I haven't been eating much lately and I know it's because my ED is trying to come back and I am just willingly letting it return. Lately, everything has been so...meh. I am starting to dislike a lot of things and I know it has to do with my depressed state of mind. Today when I went grocery shopping, I picked up some safe foods for myself, something I haven't done in a while. I didn't eat breakfast, lunch or what my mom made for dinner today. Instead, I had iced coffee and diet pepsi. I did, manage to eat a little...it was some sushi...but it is one of my safe foods, so I was okay with it. I am thinking of weighing myself tomorrow, even though I haven't done that in ages and I am really afraid. I have also convinced myself that most of the food we have in our house, especially meats, will make me sick if I eat them and I have told myself this so much that even smelling any kind of meat(hamburger, chicken, bacon, pork chops, sausage, lunch meat) makes me nauseous and I refuse to eat it. I don't care though. I am determined to be skinny again, no matter what.

It makes me sad to know you are slipping back into bad habits. I hope you don't weigh yourself tomorrow, that could just make you hurt more. I'm glad you're still at least eating something, even if it is just safe foods. Please try to remember your daughter as you are doing this. Be safe

 

[🎀♡RYU♡🎀]

It makes me sad to know you are slipping back into bad habits. I hope you don't weigh yourself tomorrow, that could just make you hurt more. I'm glad you're still at least eating something, even if it is just safe foods. Please try to remember your daughter as you are doing this. Be safe

Thank you, Tara. I just try to eat when she eats, so she can see that I am eating. I feel bad for saying this, but I am kind of glad she loves food, especially junk food, so I really hope she will never pick up any of my bad habits..

 

[rabbitpawz]

TW: SELF HARM AND UNDERAGE STUFF!!!

So I've been self harming since 5 grade, and it's gotten worse and worse as I've gotten older. Especially since my hospital stays. I've wanted to stop, I really have. I know it's a problem but I can't fucking stop, no matter what I do it always comes back and I hate it. I'm two days clean, two fucking days. When blades and pencils aren't available I smoke or drink. I have no regards for my safety and I'll do anything to hurt myself. It's like a horrible addiction that I can't get rid of and it's ruining my life.

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW: SELF HARM AND UNDERAGE STUFF!!!

So I've been self harming since 5 grade, and it's gotten worse and worse as I've gotten older. Especially since my hospital stays. I've wanted to stop, I really have. I know it's a problem but I can't fucking stop, no matter what I do it always comes back and I hate it. I'm two days clean, two fucking days. When blades and pencils aren't available I smoke or drink. I have no regards for my safety and I'll do anything to hurt myself. It's like a horrible addiction that I can't get rid of and it's ruining my life.

I'm sorry that you had to fall into this addiction. I wad once there too (just without the substances). I was addicted to self harm and had been hospitalized a number of times. The way to stop is different for everyone. But for me it was getting on the right medications and getting tattoos. Seeing the beauty I put on my body made me stop putting more of the ugly. Also finding a non-dangerous substitute could be helpful. Like holding ice cubs in your hands or drawing on your skin. I hope your clean days can extend past 2 days. And you should be proud of those two days!

 

[rabbitpawz]

I'm sorry that you had to fall into this addiction. I wad once there too (just without the substances). I was addicted to self harm and had been hospitalized a number of times. The way to stop is different for everyone. But for me it was getting on the right medications and getting tattoos. Seeing the beauty I put on my body made me stop putting more of the ugly. Also finding a non-dangerous substitute could be helpful. Like holding ice cubs in your hands or drawing on your skin. I hope your clean days can extend past 2 days. And you should be proud of those two days!

Thanks Tara, I really needed to get that out. I think my meds are working fine I just need to find better coping methods. All though cigarettes and the blade are easier to find I need to get better. I will be proud of my two days and hopefully extend it.

 

[🎀♡RYU♡🎀]

TW: ED, self hatred, suicidal tendencies

I binged and just ate a ton of food and I am very upset with myself. So i am sitting in the bathroom trying to make myself throw up and I managed to find a razor that somehow got left out...I am such a worthless piece of shit...no wonder nobody loves me or wants to be around/with me...i guess i'll be in the bathroom all night..

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW: ED, self hatred, suicidal tendencies

I binged and just ate a ton of food and I am very upset with myself. So i am sitting in the bathroom trying to make myself throw up and I managed to find a razor that somehow got left out...I am such a worthless piece of shit...no wonder nobody loves me or wants to be around/with me...i guess i'll be in the bathroom all night..

Please don't hurt yourself please
You are not worthless

 

[LostInTheDream]

Anonymous Reply:
TW: self harm
i have been struggling to lose weight for months now, at least since July of this year. i don't know if i have really really bad genetics or whatever it is but i have only lost 5 pounds this whole time, and even after making such small progress i'm still so mad at myself and my body.
to give you guys an idea of how much i weigh and my height, i am 4'11 tall (149 cm) and i currently weight around 113-115 pounds. i've been skipping breakfast, only drinking water throughout the day, and eating really small portions at dinner or just skipping dinner altogether most of the time. sometimes i get really bad headaches and stomach pains so i can't help but sneak a little bit of food sometimes, and every time i do i feel horrible. throughout the whole day i'm either in school or im exercising alone for hours upon hours. dancing, jumping jacks, you name it.
My mom is really caring and she always wants to make sure i'm fed and i'm okay and since i'm at my grandparent's house most of the day i usually eat dinner over there. so, to get out of eating and trying to keep up with my horrible habit, i will tell my grandma that i will eat back at my house, and when i get home i will tell my mom that i ate over at my grandparent's house to get out of eating all together. i feel horrible about lying to my own family about my health for my own self gain but it makes me satisfied when i think about how skinny i might be in the future.
i'm so tired of being chubby. i'm thinking about getting into more dengerous habbits like heavily restricting what i eat and maybe have an eating schedule. i know that it would be devastating to my mental and physical health, but i still find comfort in that idea of being skinny. the most horrible part is that i'm only 13 (with my age you probably know who i am by now) and i'm afraid this might ruin my entire life.