{•------»Mental Health Support Space«------•}

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

I look happy when I'm talking to you. I say happy things in the text. I'm lying, you won't believe me. But I'm fine with that... As long as your happy.

 

[lynch.]

not a rant, but just me being way too excited for something and not knowing where to post this

okay, okay, so I found this company called Black One Entertainment and I want to apply for an audition so badly. here's why:

• They aren't a k-pop company but they use the same audition, training, and debut system and their CXO (i think that's how to spell it) used to work for JYP entertainment
• They are located in Berlin, Germany where english is commonly spoken
• You don't have to speak any other language, just english
• there are no nationality or ethnicity restrictions!
• and they said that they want to create pop idols

one thing that is holding me back is the age restriction. You need to be 14 to apply and i'm only 13. I turn 14 in October, so even though I can't audition, I have about 9-10 months to perfect everything.
Another thing that is holding me back is my parents. The application requires parental consent and I'm pretty sure my parents would flip out if I told them that this is what I want to do.

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

not a rant, but just me being way too excited for something and not knowing where to post this

okay, okay, so I found this company called Black One Entertainment and I want to apply for an audition so badly. here's why:

• They aren't a k-pop company but they use the same audition, training, and debut system. Their CXO
• They are located in Berlin, Germany where english is commonly spoken
• You don't have to speak any other language, just english
• there are no nationality or ethnicity restrictions!
• and they said that they want to create pop idols

one thing that is holding me back is the age restriction. You need to be 14 to apply and i'm only 13. I turn 14 in October, so even though I can't audition, I have about 9-10 months to perfect everything.
Another thing that is holding me back is my parents. The application requires parental consent and I'm pretty sure my parents would flip out if I told them that this is what I want to do.

YES! I will stream your debut (becaause you will) all day and night

 

[lynch.]

YES! I will stream your debut (becaause you will) all day and night

If I ever debut,, I hope i do :>

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

Spoiler

Spoiler: ...

I'm 77lbs. I should have never ate the dinner, lunch and breakfast.I was76.09lbs yesterday. I'm trying to stay thin, because that's what people "prefer". But I guess me being pretty has expired. I mean I was never very pretty more like average.

Spoiler: ......

I feel like people are always judging me. And that their labeling me as the "lied". I think you think im stupid. But I can deal with that, I just think that I am self conscious. Because I am. But I can take insults, I have been insulted my whole life.

Spoiler: Those were decals.

I want to die. My mom called me a slxt for wearing a dress that was above my knees, and it was for a picture and I didn't have it on for thAt long. Then she told my dad and he hit me . I dont know why everyone hates me. I did noting but be kind to everyone I have met. And I get insulted, belittled, and taken down. I am judged for my looks, music choice, and personality. I'm done. My mom wonders why I'm so sad, why I'm always in my room. Kill me please. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong to you. I'm trying to be as nice as I can. I'm not going to try anymore I'll just let go.

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

If I ever debut,, I hope i do :>

you will!!

 

[lynch.]

you will!!

If I do eventually debut, I promise to never forget about you

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

If I do eventually debut, I promise to never forget about you

I will never forget about you either
Hope you make it to the industry one day!

 

[lynch.]

I will never forget about you either
Hope you make it to the industry one day!

thank you <3<3<3

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW/umm idk what warnings to do but Bad Self Esteem, Injury...I guess?

So most of you don't know this, but I started taking a dance class again! I trained in ballet and other styles of 16 years, so I was super excited when my mom told me I could take one. So I'm taking a contemporary class, and of course I'm out of shape. I lost a lot of flexibility and my skill level decreased drastically. I also have to deal with my leg that is still recovering from surgery. Meaning I can't really do things that would require a lot of strength in one leg. Like jumping on it is difficult. It's very weak and I lose balance a lot. And of course it having been operated on means that it hurts, especially when dancing. I love being able to dance so I just suck it up. I'm also a lot bonier than usual so doing floor stuff hurt more, but that's for a different reason I won't discuss.
Every thing had been going pretty well! I was doing decent and found it easier than I thought to return to something I stopped training in 3 years ago. But today was a different story. Usually during the 2nd half of the school year dance studios will begin to prepare for the recital. This means spending most of the class learning and perfecting a dance. I knew that this would be happening and figured that they would let me help choreograph or something. But today I was informed that I would be in the recital. This was upsetting to me for a number of reasons.
1. When I dance now I look like absolute crap. Everything that I don't choreograph for myself looks beyond ugly. I don't want people to see that. And I'm scared that I will end up pushing myself to hard trying to improve myself.
2. I will be 21 during the recital. I feel almost ashamed that I will be dancing with all underage individuals. Like I almost regressed in my adulthood. In my mind, the recital should be for kids.
I tried to look past these points and get into the choreographing of the dance. But it became more difficult. My teacher dances in a completely different style than me, as do most of the girls in my class. My training is based in ballet. As time has gone on the dance world has become more based in jazz/contemporary. It has also meant a lot more acrobatics in dances, something I have never felt safe doing. Somewhere around 2010 this change happened, making it more difficult to adjust to classes. People in my studio don't like ballet, only I still do.
As he began to choreograph I knew I was doomed. Most of what he taught was acrobatic in nature and required a lot of leg strength. I would be fine executing these moves say 3 years ago when I was an active dance, but now it is just so much more difficult. Any time I did a part of what he showed us I either looked ugly doing it, had to use an immense amount of strength that I don't have in my bad leg, or caused myself to feel pain. I was feeling just really fucking hopeless at the end of the class.
I told my parents about it and they seemed happy and didn't understand why I would want to back out. My mom even scolded me for me wanting my dancing to be perfect. But I don't care what they say. I'm thinking of emailing the main teacher and asking if there was another alternative. I would ideally love to choreograph my own solo and preform that. I could just go into the other studio during my class time. But I'm not sure if she would allow that. I would really love to do it though, as I missed out on a big senior year dance thing. Usually when someone is a senior at the studio they get a say in the theme of the recital and get to be the main character. For example this year the theme is Beauty and the Beast and the senior graduating will be playing Belle. I didn't get to do this my senior year because I was away receiving treatment for my mental illness. Not getting to do this is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
So idk I might email her and ask her if I can be given a secondary character and create my own dance that works for me. And if not I might have to back out of classes. I have 0 confidence that I could execute the dance that is given to me well. I would just make the whole dance look disgusting.
Anyways, thank you for coming to my rant. I'm not super emotional about it anymore, as I cried it out in the shower. I just needed to share this.

 

[risa❀은혜]

TW/umm idk what warnings to do but Bad Self Esteem, Injury...I guess?

So most of you don't know this, but I started taking a dance class again! I trained in ballet and other styles of 16 years, so I was super excited when my mom told me I could take one. So I'm taking a contemporary class, and of course I'm out of shape. I lost a lot of flexibility and my skill level decreased drastically. I also have to deal with my leg that is still recovering from surgery. Meaning I can't really do things that would require a lot of strength in one leg. Like jumping on it is difficult. It's very weak and I lose balance a lot. And of course it having been operated on means that it hurts, especially when dancing. I love being able to dance so I just suck it up. I'm also a lot bonier than usual so doing floor stuff hurt more, but that's for a different reason I won't discuss.
Every thing had been going pretty well! I was doing decent and found it easier than I thought to return to something I stopped training in 3 years ago. But today was a different story. Usually during the 2nd half of the school year dance studios will begin to prepare for the recital. This means spending most of the class learning and perfecting a dance. I knew that this would be happening and figured that they would let me help choreograph or something. But today I was informed that I would be in the recital. This was upsetting to me for a number of reasons.
1. When I dance now I look like absolute crap. Everything that I don't choreograph for myself looks beyond ugly. I don't want people to see that. And I'm scared that I will end up pushing myself to hard trying to improve myself.
2. I will be 21 during the recital. I feel almost ashamed that I will be dancing with all underage individuals. Like I almost regressed in my adulthood. In my mind, the recital should be for kids.
I tried to look past these points and get into the choreographing of the dance. But it became more difficult. My teacher dances in a completely different style than me, as do most of the girls in my class. My training is based in ballet. As time has gone on the dance world has become more based in jazz/contemporary. It has also meant a lot more acrobatics in dances, something I have never felt safe doing. Somewhere around 2010 this change happened, making it more difficult to adjust to classes. People in my studio don't like ballet, only I still do.
As he began to choreograph I knew I was doomed. Most of what he taught was acrobatic in nature and required a lot of leg strength. I would be fine executing these moves say 3 years ago when I was an active dance, but now it is just so much more difficult. Any time I did a part of what he showed us I either looked ugly doing it, had to use an immense amount of strength that I don't have in my bad leg, or caused myself to feel pain. I was feeling just really fucking hopeless at the end of the class.
I told my parents about it and they seemed happy and didn't understand why I would want to back out. My mom even scolded me for me wanting my dancing to be perfect. But I don't care what they say. I'm thinking of emailing the main teacher and asking if there was another alternative. I would ideally love to choreograph my own solo and preform that. I could just go into the other studio during my class time. But I'm not sure if she would allow that. I would really love to do it though, as I missed out on a big senior year dance thing. Usually when someone is a senior at the studio they get a say in the theme of the recital and get to be the main character. For example this year the theme is Beauty and the Beast and the senior graduating will be playing Belle. I didn't get to do this my senior year because I was away receiving treatment for my mental illness. Not getting to do this is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
So idk I might email her and ask her if I can be given a secondary character and create my own dance that works for me. And if not I might have to back out of classes. I have 0 confidence that I could execute the dance that is given to me well. I would just make the whole dance look disgusting.
Anyways, thank you for coming to my rant. I'm not super emotional about it anymore, as I cried it out in the shower. I just needed to share this.

I'm sure you're a lot better than you think you are. I think that people tend to criticize themselves more than they criticize other people.
On top of that though, you have told me about your leg before and I can't even imagine the pain of trying to dance with that injury. I think that it's a great idea for you to try to get a dance that you feel more confident doing! After all, I'm sure you're doing dance because YOU enjoy it and it would ruin it if you had to do it in a way that you don't like, even though in general, you seem to really like dance-
Idk if this is helpful, but I want you to be able to do dance in a way that makes you happy! *(^ㅇ^)*

 

[LostInTheDream]

I'm sure you're a lot better than you think you are. I think that people tend to criticize themselves more than they criticize other people.
On top of that though, you have told me about your leg before and I can't even imagine the pain of trying to dance with that injury. I think that it's a great idea for you to try to get a dance that you feel more confident doing! After all, I'm sure you're doing dance because YOU enjoy it and it would ruin it if you had to do it in a way that you don't like, even though in general, you seem to really like dance-
Idk if this is helpful, but I want you to be able to do dance in a way that makes you happy! *(^ㅇ^)*

thank you for your kind and understanding words

 

[risa❀은혜]

thank you for your kind and understanding words

I'm glad you liked them ^^^^

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler: Wow, you really want to read this.

Spoiler: ...

I always get insulted. Never complimented. "Shut up Mia" "Nobody cares" "I wish you were dead" is what I hear from my own family. But, it doesn't hurt any more. I feel nothing, only when I bang my head against the wall.


I scream for help but no one hears me.
I'm done. I'm going to stop scrraming because every time I do, I'm ignored.
I'm done with everything.

 

[K-fan_2003]

not a rant, but just me being way too excited for something and not knowing where to post this

okay, okay, so I found this company called Black One Entertainment and I want to apply for an audition so badly. here's why:

• They aren't a k-pop company but they use the same audition, training, and debut system. Their CXO
• They are located in Berlin, Germany where english is commonly spoken
• You don't have to speak any other language, just english
• there are no nationality or ethnicity restrictions!
• and they said that they want to create pop idols

one thing that is holding me back is the age restriction. You need to be 14 to apply and i'm only 13. I turn 14 in October, so even though I can't audition, I have about 9-10 months to perfect everything.
Another thing that is holding me back is my parents. The application requires parental consent and I'm pretty sure my parents would flip out if I told them that this is what I want to do.

Good luck hunny! I will watch your debut! And I am sorry about the parents

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW/umm idk what warnings to do but Bad Self Esteem, Injury...I guess?

So most of you don't know this, but I started taking a dance class again! I trained in ballet and other styles of 16 years, so I was super excited when my mom told me I could take one. So I'm taking a contemporary class, and of course I'm out of shape. I lost a lot of flexibility and my skill level decreased drastically. I also have to deal with my leg that is still recovering from surgery. Meaning I can't really do things that would require a lot of strength in one leg. Like jumping on it is difficult. It's very weak and I lose balance a lot. And of course it having been operated on means that it hurts, especially when dancing. I love being able to dance so I just suck it up. I'm also a lot bonier than usual so doing floor stuff hurt more, but that's for a different reason I won't discuss.
Every thing had been going pretty well! I was doing decent and found it easier than I thought to return to something I stopped training in 3 years ago. But today was a different story. Usually during the 2nd half of the school year dance studios will begin to prepare for the recital. This means spending most of the class learning and perfecting a dance. I knew that this would be happening and figured that they would let me help choreograph or something. But today I was informed that I would be in the recital. This was upsetting to me for a number of reasons.
1. When I dance now I look like absolute crap. Everything that I don't choreograph for myself looks beyond ugly. I don't want people to see that. And I'm scared that I will end up pushing myself to hard trying to improve myself.
2. I will be 21 during the recital. I feel almost ashamed that I will be dancing with all underage individuals. Like I almost regressed in my adulthood. In my mind, the recital should be for kids.
I tried to look past these points and get into the choreographing of the dance. But it became more difficult. My teacher dances in a completely different style than me, as do most of the girls in my class. My training is based in ballet. As time has gone on the dance world has become more based in jazz/contemporary. It has also meant a lot more acrobatics in dances, something I have never felt safe doing. Somewhere around 2010 this change happened, making it more difficult to adjust to classes. People in my studio don't like ballet, only I still do.
As he began to choreograph I knew I was doomed. Most of what he taught was acrobatic in nature and required a lot of leg strength. I would be fine executing these moves say 3 years ago when I was an active dance, but now it is just so much more difficult. Any time I did a part of what he showed us I either looked ugly doing it, had to use an immense amount of strength that I don't have in my bad leg, or caused myself to feel pain. I was feeling just really fucking hopeless at the end of the class.
I told my parents about it and they seemed happy and didn't understand why I would want to back out. My mom even scolded me for me wanting my dancing to be perfect. But I don't care what they say. I'm thinking of emailing the main teacher and asking if there was another alternative. I would ideally love to choreograph my own solo and preform that. I could just go into the other studio during my class time. But I'm not sure if she would allow that. I would really love to do it though, as I missed out on a big senior year dance thing. Usually when someone is a senior at the studio they get a say in the theme of the recital and get to be the main character. For example this year the theme is Beauty and the Beast and the senior graduating will be playing Belle. I didn't get to do this my senior year because I was away receiving treatment for my mental illness. Not getting to do this is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
So idk I might email her and ask her if I can be given a secondary character and create my own dance that works for me. And if not I might have to back out of classes. I have 0 confidence that I could execute the dance that is given to me well. I would just make the whole dance look disgusting.
Anyways, thank you for coming to my rant. I'm not super emotional about it anymore, as I cried it out in the shower. I just needed to share this.

My mom finally understands but keeps saying "You need to lower your standards"...that's not gonna happen even if I try.

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

Spoiler: ...

My favorite aunt is moving in with my favorite cousin!!! They are moving here from Kansas. Ans I haven't seen them since 2019 I'll be sharing a room with my cousin too!They are the few people that are in my family that cares about me. Ans my mom is going back to work.so thats good. And my aunt said she wants to buy me a hamster . But its going to be harder hiding my scars and weight because next week its going to be warmer-ish. But I'm pretty good at hiding my sadness so I think I'll be good.

 

[LostInTheDream]

TW/ Weight and ED

So I've been trying to overcome my eating disorder. It has been going quite well if I do say so myself. I'm back to eating 3 meals a day and don't avoid any foods. The problem is...I'm not gaining weight. It's been like 2 weeks and I'm eating much more than usual, but nothing! If anything I lost weight. During the first week I got up to 107 lbs but yesterday I dropped back to 104 lbs.
It's also been frustrating me because of dance. I do a lot of floor work and it's getting really painful to do. This is because of how fucking disgustingly bony I am. I just tried to practice a choreography I made for myself, and just sitting on the floor hurts. I feel like I bruised my pelvis and knee caps because of dance class last night.
I really hope that I'm not stuck at this weight forever. I don't like looking like a plucked chicken. Before my ED I was usually around 115-120 lbs. I don't know why I can't get there again. I'm not exercising any more than usual either. I'm just so frustrated and I don't want to have to see a nutritionist because my parents will be all up in my face about it. I just wanna gain weight.

If you have read this, please do not say something like "I wish I could be your weight" or "Why are you complaining about being skinny". That's called skinny shaming and it hurts just as much as fat shaming.

 

[GowonMINT(locked out of other)]

TW/ Weight and ED

So I've been trying to overcome my eating disorder. It has been going quite well if I do say so myself. I'm back to eating 3 meals a day and don't avoid any foods. The problem is...I'm not gaining weight. It's been like 2 weeks and I'm eating much more than usual, but nothing! If anything I lost weight. During the first week I got up to 107 lbs but yesterday I dropped back to 104 lbs.
It's also been frustrating me because of dance. I do a lot of floor work and it's getting really painful to do. This is because of how fucking disgustingly bony I am. I just tried to practice a choreography I made for myself, and just sitting on the floor hurts. I feel like I bruised my pelvis and knee caps because of dance class last night.
I really hope that I'm not stuck at this weight forever. I don't like looking like a plucked chicken. Before my ED I was usually around 115-120 lbs. I don't know why I can't get there again. I'm not exercising any more than usual either. I'm just so frustrated and I don't want to have to see a nutritionist because my parents will be all up in my face about it. I just wanna gain weight.

If you have read this, please do not say something like "I wish I could be your weight" or "Why are you complaining about being skinny". That's called skinny shaming and it hurts just as much as fat shaming.

You will achieve your goal. And if you ever think you can't, you can.

 

[LostInTheDream]

You will achieve your goal. And if you ever think you can't, you can.

thank you