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my parents dont even wanna put me in a mental facility
❥--[Mental Health Support Space]
- Thread starter saaylhy
- Start date
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i deleted this message
pov my mom after telling me and my siblings were disappointments and only make her life worse:
like damn that shit rlly hurt.
like damn that shit rlly hurt.
TW: DRUGS, SH, ABUSE
so lately, i’ve been wanting to go back to vaping. i dont want to? but i feel like i need it. i started vaping in the middle of 2020 and i stoped in may of 2021. so it’s been a while and i need it. i stopped because i knew it was bad for me. when i vaped it was hurting others around me. it was hurting me. so then i turned to cutting and starving myself and it was somewhat safer (?). my mom is really abusive. i dont feel safe. everytime i try to vent to someone they always seem to lecture me and they don’t make me feel better. am i doing something wrong? do i have a purpose? september of 2021 (near my birthday) i attempted and it didn’t work out. it actually made me more depressed. my family is pretty wealthy and i get really bad grades and my parents told me that i’m not enough and everything sucks rn. i came out to my family that i was bisexual in december of 2021 and my mom was not accepting at all. my whole family calls me the f slur now. the only person there for me is my sister. yesterday, my mother started saying shit like how i’m not enough and how i deserve to die. my mother gets drunk a lot and she’s always at clubs with random guys. sometimes she forgets i exist. oh i’m not enough. i want to die. i hate myself. i can’t take this anymore. i dont want to see anyone. i want to be alone. this never ending episode is hurting me and it’s tearing me apart slowly. if you become friends with me you’ll probably think that i’m mentally stable and shit like that but the truth is i’m hurting so much inside. i act the way i do because it helps me feel better. i also feel like a bad friend, i get mad easily. and my mom literally hates her own children. 4 of my siblings are autistic and she just treats them like shit. it hurts. this site is my safe place. im glad that i have these friends. even though i haven’t told them much. this is basically it. i dont have nothing more to say i think. i’ll probably say some more things later. also i’ve been feeling VERY tired lately. im such a bad person. i deserve to die.
so lately, i’ve been wanting to go back to vaping. i dont want to? but i feel like i need it. i started vaping in the middle of 2020 and i stoped in may of 2021. so it’s been a while and i need it. i stopped because i knew it was bad for me. when i vaped it was hurting others around me. it was hurting me. so then i turned to cutting and starving myself and it was somewhat safer (?). my mom is really abusive. i dont feel safe. everytime i try to vent to someone they always seem to lecture me and they don’t make me feel better. am i doing something wrong? do i have a purpose? september of 2021 (near my birthday) i attempted and it didn’t work out. it actually made me more depressed. my family is pretty wealthy and i get really bad grades and my parents told me that i’m not enough and everything sucks rn. i came out to my family that i was bisexual in december of 2021 and my mom was not accepting at all. my whole family calls me the f slur now. the only person there for me is my sister. yesterday, my mother started saying shit like how i’m not enough and how i deserve to die. my mother gets drunk a lot and she’s always at clubs with random guys. sometimes she forgets i exist. oh i’m not enough. i want to die. i hate myself. i can’t take this anymore. i dont want to see anyone. i want to be alone. this never ending episode is hurting me and it’s tearing me apart slowly. if you become friends with me you’ll probably think that i’m mentally stable and shit like that but the truth is i’m hurting so much inside. i act the way i do because it helps me feel better. i also feel like a bad friend, i get mad easily. and my mom literally hates her own children. 4 of my siblings are autistic and she just treats them like shit. it hurts. this site is my safe place. im glad that i have these friends. even though i haven’t told them much. this is basically it. i dont have nothing more to say i think. i’ll probably say some more things later. also i’ve been feeling VERY tired lately. im such a bad person. i deserve to die.
tw: drugs again *sigh*
i think i might start vaping again, oh i know it’s not right. nicotine.
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I know how it feels, but don't go back to doing it, I did, and it didn't help, it just worse (even tho I still do it sometimes...).i did it to the point, I was in the hospital and I had to take pills (I still do) and it doesn't help...There are more healthy ways to cope...Well, I think...But it's not healthy.... I lived it and saw what it did..I never tell anyone bc they'll just say they understand but do they? no they don't
Sometimes i find it hard to open up to anyone here, though there are some people, its like at least 2 or 3, sometimes i feel like im treated like the therapist friend, tho i dont mind, a lot of those "therapist friends" dont get the same treatment back that theyll give others which honestly hurts. Tho i cant force anyone to give me the same treatment, i can only wish and hope. This is basically the main reason i always bottle up my emotions and the reason i want take a break. Sometimes i also just want to leave forever bc sometimes i cant handle it. Even though others may not think so, sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, like i shouldnt even have signed up to this website
yunnie, i am 100% here for u. pls feel free to open up to me abt any issues u have, i’m always here no matter what. u don’t even need to ask, just go right ahead. <3
Ty alex<33
This is me fr. I’m always the therapist friend but as soon as I mention my own problems I’m either told I’m looking for attention or that I possibly can’t be sad because I’m always helping others. It’s very frustrating and annoying.
np yunnie, and remember even if im not online u can pm me whenever and i’ll do my best to help when im able to <3
Tho ive never been told that, some of the comfort i get is sometimes barely anything so it makes me feel even worse than what i already feel which is what i hate the most
<33
Ik i dont personally know you, i still care for everybody on this site and i just want to tel you that you are loved so so much and even though you may not think it, theres so many people who love you and need you here with them and pleaase dont so sh or drugs, you are not a terrible person and you do deserve to live
tw: vaping, su1c1d4l thoughts, and sh
god i hate the thought. the thought stating, “one more time wouldn’t hurt you, don’t be scared.” i still have the scars. the scars from constantly scratching my legs to the point of bleeding and of course, scarring. i feel ashamed that i turned to that as my way of relieving the mental pain. i remember vaping, the feeling of being free and all. it would give me a distraction, something nice to focus on other than the pain i go through everyday just to survive. what’s the point? why do i have it so hard and some people have it so easy? they always complain over everything. “but i wanted this color!” “but this is to hard!” “i can’t do this, why are you setting the bar so high!” just deal with it. at least you don’t have to fear coming home everyday. i ran away once, it was nice. well, of course, besides the constant threatening texts i received from my step dad. one of the texts said, “if you don’t come home right now, things won’t be good for you.” it may not seem as bad as it is, but having known him since i was 2, i felt like my life was being threatened. my mom, she used to be my support. i would turn to her for everything. well, until she started to side with my dad and saying that my problems aren’t as bad. i’m sorry i have to go to the school counselor at least once a month. i’m sorry that i don’t have perfect grades. im sorry that i can’t fulfill the sport of the perfect child, in fact, im far from it. i used to be bullied by my neighbor. he called me things like fat, idiotic, a bitchh, and told me to kms. of course i told my mom, why? because she was there. where is she now? where is she when i need it the most? she used to have alcoholism. that brought cps over, 5 weeks of her in a hospital, 5 weeks of trying to manage severe depression, good grades, maintaining friendships, continuing to improve my skills, and more. what did my dad tell my family when cps was coming over? “clean the house. i don’t want to see a single spot of dust. you don’t want me taken away just like your mom, do you?” i’ve perfected my fake smile, fake personality, and things like it. so basically i’ve perfected everything except the things that make others proud. i’ve tried not to go back to scratching myself, but i can’t help it. why not do that when i can’t tell anyone? telling my counselor will only get cps back and my mental health evaluated. telling my mom will only get me back to a counselor, likely the one who made me super uncomfortable. telling my dad will only get my problems undermined. telling my friends would only result in them either telling the counselor or laughing it off. at this point, i don’t know what to do.
god i hate the thought. the thought stating, “one more time wouldn’t hurt you, don’t be scared.” i still have the scars. the scars from constantly scratching my legs to the point of bleeding and of course, scarring. i feel ashamed that i turned to that as my way of relieving the mental pain. i remember vaping, the feeling of being free and all. it would give me a distraction, something nice to focus on other than the pain i go through everyday just to survive. what’s the point? why do i have it so hard and some people have it so easy? they always complain over everything. “but i wanted this color!” “but this is to hard!” “i can’t do this, why are you setting the bar so high!” just deal with it. at least you don’t have to fear coming home everyday. i ran away once, it was nice. well, of course, besides the constant threatening texts i received from my step dad. one of the texts said, “if you don’t come home right now, things won’t be good for you.” it may not seem as bad as it is, but having known him since i was 2, i felt like my life was being threatened. my mom, she used to be my support. i would turn to her for everything. well, until she started to side with my dad and saying that my problems aren’t as bad. i’m sorry i have to go to the school counselor at least once a month. i’m sorry that i don’t have perfect grades. im sorry that i can’t fulfill the sport of the perfect child, in fact, im far from it. i used to be bullied by my neighbor. he called me things like fat, idiotic, a bitchh, and told me to kms. of course i told my mom, why? because she was there. where is she now? where is she when i need it the most? she used to have alcoholism. that brought cps over, 5 weeks of her in a hospital, 5 weeks of trying to manage severe depression, good grades, maintaining friendships, continuing to improve my skills, and more. what did my dad tell my family when cps was coming over? “clean the house. i don’t want to see a single spot of dust. you don’t want me taken away just like your mom, do you?” i’ve perfected my fake smile, fake personality, and things like it. so basically i’ve perfected everything except the things that make others proud. i’ve tried not to go back to scratching myself, but i can’t help it. why not do that when i can’t tell anyone? telling my counselor will only get cps back and my mental health evaluated. telling my mom will only get me back to a counselor, likely the one who made me super uncomfortable. telling my dad will only get my problems undermined. telling my friends would only result in them either telling the counselor or laughing it off. at this point, i don’t know what to do.
Alex if you ever need someone to talk to, im always here, ill always try my best to make you feel better even at your lowest<3
tysm, u don’t even know how much that actually means. ilysm <3
Anytime and ilysm too<333
I was going to type up a long ass post saying goodbye but honestly who fucking cares. The worse case scenario is I fail like I always do and end up in a coma. The absolute worse case scenario is someone intervenes and I end up having to go to the hospital. That would be so embarrassing on my part. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say lol 
and please don’t start that “oh I care about you” bullshit because no one does and it just irritates me even more. Anyways. Peace out bros.
and please don’t start that “oh I care about you” bullshit because no one does and it just irritates me even more. Anyways. Peace out bros.tani please dont do what i think youre gonna do, without you idk if its ever gonna be the same, we need you here so please dont do anything to harm yourself and if you need someone to talk to, im always hereI was going to type up a long ass post saying goodbye but honestly who fucking cares. The worse case scenario is I fail like I always do and end up in a coma. The absolute worse case scenario is someone intervenes and I end up having to go to the hospital. That would be so embarrassing on my part. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say lol