i dont know how it feels like to have a shoulder to cry on―if i did, it would be my own shoulder. why? because i have absolutely no one. its at a point where i feel desperate calling to have someone. i actually hate myself for it, people my age tend to like my older sister more. why? i dont know at all.
its so unfair am i a weirdo? im sorry did i do something to you? i have no one.. i hate this, i hate my life. i have no actual friends. you dont know how it feels like, this actually makes me cry. im super anxious for school. i mean, i would have no where to sit at my cafeteria. everyone already has someone, this isnt fair at all. is it because of how i am? who i am? my religion? how i dress?
dont even try to say; "you have me." well you have more, so whats the point at all? you'll just abandon me once you figured how boring i could be to your eyes. thanks for letting me trust you, but i guess that was a problem, was it?
shut up. my english has gotten worse. i sound like a total idiot. my friends all left me. i dont know why..am i nothing to you guys? was i an experiment to everyone? im sorry i cried for nights as school got closer. im sorry if i tried to change myself for people. im sorry for who i am. i cant stand being considered a "floater friend". even if i dont belong in any friend group.
its obvious my current―so-called friends dont even like me, i always end up losing people because what i say, im sorry aeri, charlie, & ameila―its because of me on why we arent friends anymore. i always make mistakes. its unfair. i dont know if people understand on what i mean how im lonely. i have no one. even if i did―they'd be my best friend..but im not sure im their best friend.
the amount of anxiety i have in me is purely disgusting to me. if your reading this―thank you. i wont be here forever. i mean its like people in the real world care about me. constant arguments with my parents, my ' friends ' liking my siblings more than me; in general im a insufferable person who probably cares for himself.
im tired, people obviously hate me. im an odd person. do they find me annoying? all i do is chase after people. its obvious i try to put more effort in our friendships. they never really cared about me. stop. i sound like an attention seeker, im sorry. please dont get mad at me for this. im js lonely.