i think she doesn't realize.... or she does? what is she trying to do?
first she got us worried with that su!cidal message, after we had no news from her during the spring break, then when she came back at school she told us that everything's ok, that we don't need to worry, that we shouldnt think abt the message anymore, and she was acting like everything's "alright"
i'm so used to be way too kind, and today i feel like i acted like the worst friend ever and i regret some things even if ik i don't have to
yesterday we talked, and when i told her that i told some of our other friends about it, she didn't even got mad
and then she was like "dw, dw" ("t'inquiètes" in french, i hate that word now) first my two other friends were also acting like nothing happened, but they were hurt too. also she didn't tell one of the two friends about this, so she feels hurt about that (bc "she didn't wanted to worry her")
i really feel bad bc i told the two other friends about it while my bff told me not to tell anyone
but i can't stay here like this on this situation alone?
then she tried a few times to change subjects. lol
after we stopped to talk and she continued to act like everythings ok
apparently everyone sees that i'm not ok. i also know that my crush noticed. gosh y'all want me to hide my feelings after this? i just can't
also yesterday she told me that she was going to send me a message on ig abt why everything happened, and, she sent nothing? today she said that she'll do it and i still don't have any message. ok then.
but what she told us today really had me having a mental breakdown at school. she really told us that she was going to leave us confused until the end of the school year if we hadn't talked yesterday??? (she didn't said it like that but she meant it)
then i asked "why?"
"bc i thought you were going to forgot about it"
okay but idk if she realized but this sentence brought me sm pain
then i asked "its not resolved for us. do you think have a solution that would resolve it for us?"
"no... idk why it isn't resolved for y'all and what do you want me to do"
im realizing that its the longest post i ever did-
so it really annoyed me so i said all i wanted to say, knowing that i hate to share things like that, but i wanted her to know how i feel
i said "i'm warning you, if we leave that thing like that, things will never be the same between us, do you realize it?"
"i really feel like i put so much efforts on someone and i have no answer" after i said this she answered "what do you mean by effort? what do you want from me?" and its at this moment that i wanted to say the word "an apology" but i didn't bc i was too scared to say this and now i'm regretting.
i feel like i shared too much and that i ruined not only my friendship with her but also my two other friends' one with her.
i said another thing but i don't remember
anyways, i think it's the end. i hate to think that if out other classmates notices that we aren't friends anymore, or that it's not the same, the blame will come on me, and i'll be the mean friend.
<3
So I haven’t told anyone else till now, I don’t trust telling anybody except you guys
