This is gonna flop but hopefully it's at least neat even though I think its the less superior idea I had. I also don't know what im doing but there's dead people here .-.
I fondly watched Hyungwon look at Minhyuk in disgust while Jooheon was trying to hype Changkyun up - probably to convince him to do a stupid dare or something of that nature. Kihyun sat next to me, staring up at the ceiling as he lost himself in thought, a notable habit he's developed over the past few months.
"So, what's on your mind today Yoo Kihyun?" I finally asked once I decided that I was bored, but I didn't want to interrupt the endearing chaos that the others would soon cause.
"I was just wondering. How long do you think it'll take for him to let go of us?" the younger man gestured to the corner where Wonho stood, chatting animatedly with an unfamiliar person.
On the outside, he looked alright, which I guess we can be thankful for, but everyone knew there was something wrong deep down. No one was willing to talk to him about it though. No one could afford him snapping now.
"If no one stops him, he probably won't," I decided as we watched him wave away the man who had been dancing around him like he was a deer waiting to be startled.
Ever since it happened, no one has had a good idea of how to approach Hoseok. It's hard to tell what's running through his head, it's even more difficult to guess what'll set him off at any moment. He's grown erratic, destructive even, and he needs help but refuses to accept that. It's hard to watch him be this way.
Once the door shut, the younger man smiled at us happily and came closer causing the others to straighten themselves and give their full attention to the normally warm-hearted, considerate dancer.
"So what should we do today everyone?" he finally asked while looking at us expectantly.
"Don't you have an album to prepare for?" Jooheon seemed concerned when he brought up the album, it was a big deal for Hoseok a few months ago but now it keeps getting pushed back and he won't tell us why.
"I don't feel like it today," he easily waved off Jooheon's interest with a shrug which caused Hyungwon to snort from the corner he had taken to residing in.
"Wow, it must be nice to have a job that caters to your feelings like that, where do you work?" the lithe boy spoke sarcastically causing Hoseok to roll his eyes.
"You should get to work Hoseok, people are worried about you and they want to see you doing well," I tried my hand at convincing him but just like all of the other times his stance hasn't changed.
"They'll always be there, I can come back to them anytime and they'll accept me with open arms but I don't know if you guys will always be here so I should spend as much time with you as I can," he spoke firmly much to my disappointment.
"Hoseok, please talk to someone, you cant keep doing...this," I gestured around vaguely as his expression fell into a grimace.
"What can't I keep doing Hy-"
"Uh Mr. Wonho, who are you talking to?" the voice of a meek young man, probably an intern, cut Hoseok off, much to his annoyance.
"Can't you see who I'm talking to?" he hissed at the poor kid who seemed to be shaking.
"Uh...I...I-"
"What do you want?" Hoseok seemed to grow tired of his stuttering since he abruptly cut him off.
"Uh they wanted me to give you your schedule for today," he mumbled while hesitantly sticking out a clipboard that Hoseok rejected.
"Tell them that I won't be completing it today, I don't have the energy," the dancer brushed him off, choosing to disregard everyone else's work for his own feelings.
"You need to start working again Hoseok," I decided, doing my best to stop him from ruining himself early on.
"I'm my own person Hyunwoo, you don't get to decide what I need or don't need," he spat, ignoring the terrified intern that gave a small goodbye before rushing out of the studio.
"Well someone has to because clearly, you can't even do that for yourself anymore," I argued back, desperately trying to get him to see reason.
"I can do that just fine, all I need is you guys and things will work out like they always do okay!?" he was becoming borderline hysterical at this point and normally this is when I'd let it go but he needed to get his head on straight as soon as possible.
"Things won't work out Hoseok, you need to put in the time and hard work like you've always done, that's the only way you'll succeed!" I ran a hand through my hair while trying to suppress a frustrated groan.
"Why? Aren't you always going to be with me Hyunwoo? Minhyuk, Kihyun, you will right? What about you Hyungwon? I can count on you two Jooheon, Changkyun, can't I?" his anger turned to desperation the longer our silence went on as he desperately tried to meet our gazes.
"We're gone hyung," Minhyuk finally spoke, hoping our words would get through to him this time.
"What do you mean 'gone'?" Hoseok echoed the word back bitterly as if it burned him to speak of our passing.
"Gone doesn't have any alternate meanings in this context as far as I know," Hyungwon rolled his eyes while Changkyun looked up at Hoseok before sticking his arm through the wall like some kind of morbid party trick.
He and Jooheon had gotten used to doing that to try and convince Hoseok each time, but the man would always brush it off. Today though, the rapper took it a step further and decided to stick his arm through Hoseok this time, taking a strange interest in the way his arm came out of a human's torso.
The following minutes were filled with silence as we all took in the spectacle that was Changkyun deciding to see what weird visuals he could create by moving his limbs through Hoseok. Eventually, though the silence was broken by Hoseok's now broken voice as Jooheon finally guided Changkyun away. A part of me was surprised that he started talking before either Minhyuk, Changkyun, or Jooheon could make a stupid joke.
"I know you're dead, but you're still here with me and that's all I need right?" he tried to sound hopeful but I think even he understood it came off as more desperate than anything.
"We need to pass on at some point," Kihyun spoke up but Hoseok shook his head so violently to display his disagreement that I thought he'd get whiplash.
"You can't, you can't leave me yet, I haven't spent enough time with you all yet! I thought we'd always be together and that when I had to leave we'd just be taking a moment to distance ourselves, I didn't think you'd die before me," he harshly bit into his lip after whispering, "or without me."
"Well what's done is done, you still have a life to live but it's gonna be an awful one if you don't pull yourself together," Jooheon advised from beside Changkyun.
"I don't care what happens, I need to make up for the things I've done and since you guys are still here I can do that, we can spend as much time as you want together, it'll just be us. Work won't get in the way of that anymore, I promise," he spoked assuredly.
It seemed like some part of him had begun to convince him that we wanted the same thing as him without taking the time to ask us. It was kind of scary how quickly he changed, he was normally one of the best at listening to others and being diligent but he changed so fast, too fast to be healthy.
"We don't want to spend more time together, we want to move on so we can figure out what's waiting for us while you live on for us. We can't move on if you don't let go of us though," Hyungwon butted in as he spoke more level-headedly than I thought was possible for him since he had become rather bitter and spiteful since dying.
"I- no, you can't leave, we still have things to do together," his frustration seemed to mount as he glared at us all.
"Don't you know what it's like to have gone to bed after a wild night of celebrating without your friends only to wake up with a hangover and see that they've all been hospitalized because a reckless drunk who got on the road when he shouldn't have?!" his voice rose to the point he started shouting.
"I went to the hospital and waited for you all to wake up only to hear that Changkyun and Kihyun died on impact, Jooheon didn't make it to the hospital, Minhyuk passed on before he could have surgery, Hyungwon died in surgery, and you, Hyunwoo, my last hope, wouldn't recover. Do you know how hard it is to have heard your friends died one by one and then watch the one you thought would pull through flatline right before you!?" he instantly became hysterical as he began to pull at his hair while falling to his knees.
"That's not something that we can change though Hoseok, you spending time with our spirits won't help you, you need to see a therapist or anyone to get over this," Kihyun groaned, tired of giving Hoseok the same message that never got through to him.
"No, no, no this is my second chance, my chance to spend all of our moments together so I won't have to miss out on a thing with you all," Hoseok looked insane at this point, his eyes were darting around frantically while his lips pulled up in a smile and he began to nod to himself as if he'd just been convinced of something new.
"You said that as long as I don't let go, you'll be with me forever right?" he questioned and I froze at the implications of his realization.
"Then all I have to do is never, ever, let you go," the once warm-hearted, considerate dancer spoke with a cheerful lilt to his voice as I felt defeat creep through the rest of us.
"You've gone absolutely insane Hoseok, why can't you just get help?" Kihyun was on the verge of breaking down as we stared at the broken man in front of us.
"You guys can help me. For as long as I want you to be around, you'll be here with me. Even if it's forever."
I fondly watched Hyungwon look at Minhyuk in disgust while Jooheon was trying to hype Changkyun up - probably to convince him to do a stupid dare or something of that nature. Kihyun sat next to me, staring up at the ceiling as he lost himself in thought, a notable habit he's developed over the past few months.
"So, what's on your mind today Yoo Kihyun?" I finally asked once I decided that I was bored, but I didn't want to interrupt the endearing chaos that the others would soon cause.
"I was just wondering. How long do you think it'll take for him to let go of us?" the younger man gestured to the corner where Wonho stood, chatting animatedly with an unfamiliar person.
On the outside, he looked alright, which I guess we can be thankful for, but everyone knew there was something wrong deep down. No one was willing to talk to him about it though. No one could afford him snapping now.
"If no one stops him, he probably won't," I decided as we watched him wave away the man who had been dancing around him like he was a deer waiting to be startled.
Ever since it happened, no one has had a good idea of how to approach Hoseok. It's hard to tell what's running through his head, it's even more difficult to guess what'll set him off at any moment. He's grown erratic, destructive even, and he needs help but refuses to accept that. It's hard to watch him be this way.
Once the door shut, the younger man smiled at us happily and came closer causing the others to straighten themselves and give their full attention to the normally warm-hearted, considerate dancer.
"So what should we do today everyone?" he finally asked while looking at us expectantly.
"Don't you have an album to prepare for?" Jooheon seemed concerned when he brought up the album, it was a big deal for Hoseok a few months ago but now it keeps getting pushed back and he won't tell us why.
"I don't feel like it today," he easily waved off Jooheon's interest with a shrug which caused Hyungwon to snort from the corner he had taken to residing in.
"Wow, it must be nice to have a job that caters to your feelings like that, where do you work?" the lithe boy spoke sarcastically causing Hoseok to roll his eyes.
"You should get to work Hoseok, people are worried about you and they want to see you doing well," I tried my hand at convincing him but just like all of the other times his stance hasn't changed.
"They'll always be there, I can come back to them anytime and they'll accept me with open arms but I don't know if you guys will always be here so I should spend as much time with you as I can," he spoke firmly much to my disappointment.
"Hoseok, please talk to someone, you cant keep doing...this," I gestured around vaguely as his expression fell into a grimace.
"What can't I keep doing Hy-"
"Uh Mr. Wonho, who are you talking to?" the voice of a meek young man, probably an intern, cut Hoseok off, much to his annoyance.
"Can't you see who I'm talking to?" he hissed at the poor kid who seemed to be shaking.
"Uh...I...I-"
"What do you want?" Hoseok seemed to grow tired of his stuttering since he abruptly cut him off.
"Uh they wanted me to give you your schedule for today," he mumbled while hesitantly sticking out a clipboard that Hoseok rejected.
"Tell them that I won't be completing it today, I don't have the energy," the dancer brushed him off, choosing to disregard everyone else's work for his own feelings.
"You need to start working again Hoseok," I decided, doing my best to stop him from ruining himself early on.
"I'm my own person Hyunwoo, you don't get to decide what I need or don't need," he spat, ignoring the terrified intern that gave a small goodbye before rushing out of the studio.
"Well someone has to because clearly, you can't even do that for yourself anymore," I argued back, desperately trying to get him to see reason.
"I can do that just fine, all I need is you guys and things will work out like they always do okay!?" he was becoming borderline hysterical at this point and normally this is when I'd let it go but he needed to get his head on straight as soon as possible.
"Things won't work out Hoseok, you need to put in the time and hard work like you've always done, that's the only way you'll succeed!" I ran a hand through my hair while trying to suppress a frustrated groan.
"Why? Aren't you always going to be with me Hyunwoo? Minhyuk, Kihyun, you will right? What about you Hyungwon? I can count on you two Jooheon, Changkyun, can't I?" his anger turned to desperation the longer our silence went on as he desperately tried to meet our gazes.
"We're gone hyung," Minhyuk finally spoke, hoping our words would get through to him this time.
"What do you mean 'gone'?" Hoseok echoed the word back bitterly as if it burned him to speak of our passing.
"Gone doesn't have any alternate meanings in this context as far as I know," Hyungwon rolled his eyes while Changkyun looked up at Hoseok before sticking his arm through the wall like some kind of morbid party trick.
He and Jooheon had gotten used to doing that to try and convince Hoseok each time, but the man would always brush it off. Today though, the rapper took it a step further and decided to stick his arm through Hoseok this time, taking a strange interest in the way his arm came out of a human's torso.
The following minutes were filled with silence as we all took in the spectacle that was Changkyun deciding to see what weird visuals he could create by moving his limbs through Hoseok. Eventually, though the silence was broken by Hoseok's now broken voice as Jooheon finally guided Changkyun away. A part of me was surprised that he started talking before either Minhyuk, Changkyun, or Jooheon could make a stupid joke.
"I know you're dead, but you're still here with me and that's all I need right?" he tried to sound hopeful but I think even he understood it came off as more desperate than anything.
"We need to pass on at some point," Kihyun spoke up but Hoseok shook his head so violently to display his disagreement that I thought he'd get whiplash.
"You can't, you can't leave me yet, I haven't spent enough time with you all yet! I thought we'd always be together and that when I had to leave we'd just be taking a moment to distance ourselves, I didn't think you'd die before me," he harshly bit into his lip after whispering, "or without me."
"Well what's done is done, you still have a life to live but it's gonna be an awful one if you don't pull yourself together," Jooheon advised from beside Changkyun.
"I don't care what happens, I need to make up for the things I've done and since you guys are still here I can do that, we can spend as much time as you want together, it'll just be us. Work won't get in the way of that anymore, I promise," he spoked assuredly.
It seemed like some part of him had begun to convince him that we wanted the same thing as him without taking the time to ask us. It was kind of scary how quickly he changed, he was normally one of the best at listening to others and being diligent but he changed so fast, too fast to be healthy.
"We don't want to spend more time together, we want to move on so we can figure out what's waiting for us while you live on for us. We can't move on if you don't let go of us though," Hyungwon butted in as he spoke more level-headedly than I thought was possible for him since he had become rather bitter and spiteful since dying.
"I- no, you can't leave, we still have things to do together," his frustration seemed to mount as he glared at us all.
"Don't you know what it's like to have gone to bed after a wild night of celebrating without your friends only to wake up with a hangover and see that they've all been hospitalized because a reckless drunk who got on the road when he shouldn't have?!" his voice rose to the point he started shouting.
"I went to the hospital and waited for you all to wake up only to hear that Changkyun and Kihyun died on impact, Jooheon didn't make it to the hospital, Minhyuk passed on before he could have surgery, Hyungwon died in surgery, and you, Hyunwoo, my last hope, wouldn't recover. Do you know how hard it is to have heard your friends died one by one and then watch the one you thought would pull through flatline right before you!?" he instantly became hysterical as he began to pull at his hair while falling to his knees.
"That's not something that we can change though Hoseok, you spending time with our spirits won't help you, you need to see a therapist or anyone to get over this," Kihyun groaned, tired of giving Hoseok the same message that never got through to him.
"No, no, no this is my second chance, my chance to spend all of our moments together so I won't have to miss out on a thing with you all," Hoseok looked insane at this point, his eyes were darting around frantically while his lips pulled up in a smile and he began to nod to himself as if he'd just been convinced of something new.
"You said that as long as I don't let go, you'll be with me forever right?" he questioned and I froze at the implications of his realization.
"Then all I have to do is never, ever, let you go," the once warm-hearted, considerate dancer spoke with a cheerful lilt to his voice as I felt defeat creep through the rest of us.
"You've gone absolutely insane Hoseok, why can't you just get help?" Kihyun was on the verge of breaking down as we stared at the broken man in front of us.
"You guys can help me. For as long as I want you to be around, you'll be here with me. Even if it's forever."